Out of Darkness
by the one who sees
Summary: Her past is dark. Darker than he could even imagine. But he is determined to bring her into the light. A deeper take on the City Elf Origin Story. Rated M for many good reasons. Both good and bad explicit scenes. First ff fic, please review.
1. Chapter 1

Her eyes slowly blinked open, resisting the muted sunlight through the filth covered windows. 'What is that noise?' she wondered, as the din that woke her from the fade became louder and clearer.

"Eva, wake up! Wake up!"

"Ugh. Why in Andraste's name are you doing that Shianni?"

"Your betrothed is here! Today is your big day, you are getting married! Go get up!" Shianni replied.

"All the more reason not to get up I think. Unless of course to run. Far. Far away," Eva muttered as she threw the blanket back over her head.

"Bah! You should be overjoyed. I wish I were the one marrying a handsome man today," exclaimed Shianni.

"Handsome, eh? Well at least there is that." Eva slowly climbed out of bed. She shook her head trying to drive away the sleepiness and the dread. She didn't want to be married, even if he was supposedly handsome. Marriage meant giving up her freedoms. She wouldn't be able to practice with her daggers anymore, what husband wanted that. She would be expected to cook and clean and…produce children. 'Well,' she thought bitterly, 'no need to worry about the last one.' She shuttered violently, then tried to put the nightmares out of her head.

But suddenly another thought, even more terrifying, sprung into her mind. Would she still be able to protect the others? Would this husband expect her to leave the Alienage? She couldn't, wouldn't leave them to be subjected to that evil shem's wants. But if she stayed, how could any husband want a wife as ruined as she was, as she would continue to be. Why had her father thought this would be a good idea? Did he think this would save her? Didn't he realize she sacrificed herself to spare the other women of the Alienage? Didn't he know that as long as she went, the others were…

"Earth to Eva! Unless you are trying to start a new wedding trend by walking down the aisle half dressed, I suggest you get a move on it. And stop looking so horrified. This is a happy day for you! You can get out of here" Shianni said with exasperation.

But that is just it! I can't leave! What will happen to you all if I leave? What will you…" Eva was on the verge of sheer panic.

"Stop! Just stop! You need to think of yourself for once. You need to get out of here; you won't survive much more this. Don't worry about us, worry about yourself." The firmness in Shianni's voice made Eva stop shaking.

"Why would my betrothed even want me? I am ruined and barren. Does he even know this, has anyone told him of my predicament?" Eva was near tears.

"Shush my lethalin. You know very well our kind do not hold the abuses of shemlen against our own. Not many would ever marry otherwise. Now let us finished getting you dressed."

* * *

Eva stood in awe at the shem's body unconscious on the ground. Shianni stood over him with the broken jug still in her hand, eyes wide.

"Andraste's flaming sword, what have I done!?! That's the Arl's son! I just hit the Arl's son over the head with a jug! Why did I do that?" Shianni was rambling frantically.

Eva put her hand on Shianni's shoulder, "Try not to worry about it too much. I doubt he would ever admit an elf knocked him out, a female elf at that."

* * *

"We are gathered here today…"

"You little bitches will pay!"

Everyone turned to see Vaughan, the Arl's son, with eight goons swiftly moving in on the ceremony.

"Please sirs, this is a wedding!" the Chantry sister pleaded.

"You are going to marry this whore?" he sneered as he gestured toward Eva. Eva set her jaw but said nothing. "Well in that case, how about a pre-wedding party. These fine harlots will be quite entertaining for my boys and me here." The men started grabbing women, "Don't forget that one," Vaughan shouted pointing at Shianni, "she got feisty with me, and I think she needs a lesson or nine!"

"No! Please!" Eva cried out, "Just take me, let the rest go."

"Not this time my eager slut, we are gonna have a party." He derided.

"No!" Eva screamed just as Vaughan backhanded her hard enough for all to go black.

* * *

As she came to, Eva heard a woman praying to the maker to keep them safe. She also heard quiet sobbing in the corner. She groaned as a sharp pain cursed through her head when she attempted to stand. Shianni rushed over, "Thank the maker you're ok," she cried.

Eva sat up and surveyed the scene. There were about ten women, including herself. They seemed to be in a dungeon. She was wracking her brain trying to figure a way out of this when the door swung open. There stood four of the men earlier with heinous smiles on each of their vile shemlen faces.

"Ready for the party whores?" the first man sneered.

The women praying started rocking and chanting louder.

"Quiet bitch," one of men yelled. She just started shrieking the chant wildly as she violently rocked back and forth. The shem took out his sword and with one motion slit the poor woman's throat. The other women stood in silent horror as the blood drained from the girl's throat.

"Anyone else want to be difficult?" the man growled. Two of the men started ushering eight of the remaining nine women out the door. Only Eva was left, with the two remaining shemlen.

"We have special instruction for you, you fiery little whore. I hear you provide the best entertainment," the second one said as he started groping her chest. She spit on him. "Fuck you, whore, you will pay for that!" He was quieted suddenly though as a sword slid between his legs and came to rest right in front of Eva. They turned to see a male elf holding his own sword. It was Soris, Eva's cousin. As they gaped at this brazen elf, Eva grabbed the sword and swung furiously at one of the men and he fell to the floor, bleeding profusely. The other goon tried to fight but was quickly struck down by Soris and Eva.

"You came! I can't believe you came to rescue us! We need to get the others, they have already been taken to Vaughan," Eva panted. Soris nodded silently as he caught sight of the dead women in a pool of her own blood. The noise in the dungeon had alerted the guards in the estate to trouble. As a result, Soris and Eva had to fight their way through the estate. As each guard dropped, all Eva could think of is that the longer this took the worse things would be for the women already with the filthy shemlen. As they were running though the hallway she noticed an elf lying cold on the floor. As she drew nearer, she recognized him as her to be husband. She stifled a sob and declared, "He died trying to save me. He didn't even know me and died trying to save me," she stood and her face turned to stone, "they will die! All of those evil shemlen will die. His death must be avenged."

Finally, they reached Vaughan's bedroom. She shuttered, she knew this room all too well. A scream broke out from behind the door and with no further delay, Eva burst into the room, with Soris close behind her.

"What the – "But that was all the man managed to get out as Eva started swinging her sword, cutting down man after man. When finally the only man living was the Arl's son, his eyes grew wide with fear.

"I should have killed you years ago. You will burn for all the misery you have caused, for all the innocents you have slain. You worthless louse! May the maker spit on your soul!" And with that, she plunged her sword into his gut and started to twist. He screamed, his eyes bulging as she slowly and viciously disemboweled him. Then he stilled and breathed no more.

She turned to Soris, "Get them out of here." Then she ran to Shianni, who was lying on the floor, pale and sobbing. I was too late, Eva thought furiously, all my efforts over the years have failed, I have failed her, and I couldn't spare her the pain.

"So much blood, so much -," Shianni's words snapped her out of her thoughts.

"The bad men are dead now, they are all dead. Oh, Shianni I am so sorry, I am so so sorry," Eva sobbed as she helped the brutalized elf off the floor.

"Let's just go home," Shianni replied weakly.

* * *

Eva had just gotten them into the Alienage and had the elders take Shianni to tend to her wounds when the Denerim guards marched in a grabbed her.

"You will swing for this elf, you will pay for your crimes!" the head guard sneered.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I would like to take this woman with me and make her a Grey Warden," a voice called out from behind the crowd. Everyone turned to see the human who had spoken with his dark features and well used armor. Great, Eva thought, another shem here to make me his plaything.

"Duncan, it is an honor to see you again," Valendrian the Elder said. He knows this shemlen, Eva wondered.

The guard was not impressed, "she has massacred an estate full of men, she has killed the Arl's son. I will not just let her get away with this!"

"As a Grey Warden, I have the authority to use the Right of Conscription if necessary, "Duncan declared sternly.

"I will not become another shem's whore! I have just disposed of one today, I would rather die!" Eva jutted out her chin to show her resolve.

"Eva, don't speak to the honorable Duncan in such a manner! I apologize Duncan, she knows not who she speaks to," Valendrian stated.

"No worries my friend. I can understand her trepidation. But I assure you my lady; I have no intentions of that manner. I need recruits for the Grey Wardens and I feel you would make a great rogue among our ranks," the Grey Warden avowed.

The guard interrupted this discussion, "Since I assume you are in fact using the Right of Conscription, I suggest you collect the girl and leave Denerim at once, she is not wanted here," then he added, "And if I were you, I would sleep with a dagger in my hand and one eye open around this elf."

Duncan chuckled, "I think I will be ok," he then turned to Eva, "say your goodbyes quickly, we leave at once." Eva looked helplessly from Valendrian to Duncan and back. Was this really happening? Was she just handed over to this shem who would do whatever he pleases to her as soon as they left Denerim? It appeared so. She let out a resigned sign. Well, she thought, at least I can leave knowing the women will be a tad safer.

With a tear in her eye and a heavy heart, she said her goodbyes to those she knew and left the Alienage not knowing what laid ahead for her and if she would ever see her home again.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: hey everyone. This is going to be a long story so hopefully I can update often. It is very much rated M. There will be both graphic con and non con sex scenes just so you are warned. There will be a healthy dose of fluff and very dark scenes. Reviews are welcomed, but please be kind, this is my first story of this kind._

The trek to Ostagar was a tense one. Eva was wary of this human, even if Valendrian did speak highly of him. On the way, Duncan tried to fill Eva in on the purpose and history of the Grey Wardens. He also explained that they were headed to Ostagar to fight alongside the king in a large battle against the darkspawn. Eva did not like the idea of this.

"So instead of just being your whore, I am to be the whore to a camp full of men. To the king. Well hasn't my life just gone up in status," Eva scoffed.

"I will say it again you are not here to be any man's entertainment, you are here to fight with the Grey Wardens, to aid Ferelden against the Blight. I understand what you have been through…"

"Don't!" Eva interrupted, "You have no idea what I have been through, so don't try to relate with me."

"Vaughan is notorious for his cruelty and abuses. And from what I understand, you were oft times the choice for his uses, were you not. If this is true then I have some grasp, if only theoretical, about what you have been through. But try to remember, not all humans are as sadistic and cruel as he was." Duncan finished, hoping some of his words would help her in this tough transition.

Eva chose to keep quiet for the rest of their journey. She couldn't believe that any Shem would even begin to know her pain. He didn't understand the extent of her suffering. He didn't understand the reasons she always went. He didn't understand anything. He couldn't, he was a Shem. At least this is what she was telling herself when they finally approached Ostagar.

* * *

'That is the king?' Eva thought incredulously as she watched him speak to Duncan. He looked far too young and quite frankly, far too stupid to be ruling the country. And they think the elves are unworthy, seriously.

"Ah, so this must be the new recruit! It's a pleasure to meet you."

The realization that the king was addressing her forced her out of her thoughts.

"So you are the man responsible for the conditions of the Alienages. You are the one who keeps my people in squalor and misery. You, who allow them to be raped, beaten, and murdered, well, hail the mighty king!" Eva spat bitterly, her voice filled with venom.

"Are the alienages really that bad? My guards never let me visit them. I am sorry for you and your people's suffering and believe me when I tell you I had not meant for that. When the threat of the darkspawn has passed I will make it a priority to visit the Alienages and bring about reform." The king looked aghast and apologetic.

"Talk is cheap and the lies of shemlen are long. I shall not hold my breath, but let's hope you are genuine in this promise." And with that Eva turned from the king and began walking toward the camp. She heard Duncan wrapping up his conversation with King Calian and his footsteps moving towards her. She waited with baited breath to hear the tongue lashing she was sure to get for disrespecting the king. She hadn't even planned to; she was just so angry and filled with rage that it boiled over when she saw that happy carefree idiot playing at war while his lessers suffered greatly.

"You are lucky the king is kind, or he may have had your head for that affront." Duncan reprimanded.

"Let him, I care not if I die. I assume that is half the reason you wanted me." She said sourly.

Duncan sighed, "you are free to look around camp, just please do not leave it. When you are ready, I ask that you find a young Warden named Alistair. Bring him back to my tent and we can start the joining preparation." With that he turned and walked away, leaving her standing there all alone in this strange place.

Eva shivered as she took in her surroundings. There were people everywhere, bustling about, tents erected haphazardly around. The noise was thunderous as people yelled and laughed, as dogs barked, and swords were grinding against wet stone. She was use to noise, she had lived in Denerim after all, but all of this newness had her quite overwhelmed. Eventually she shook her head as to clear it, and stepped down into the heart of the camp. The first thing she came across was the quartermaster.

She realized that the sword she had used to kill Vaughan and the others had been taken away from her and she had nothing to fight with. Though she didn't have much money, she always stashed a few coins in her boots for emergencies and thought that fighting darkspawn without a weapon would qualify as an emergency so she walked over to browse his wares.

"Hey, elf, why the hell are you dressed so funny, and where is that armor I sent you to get! I swear you are bloody useless. Did the ten lashings not get through to you? Do you need ten more, to learn how an elf is suppose to act?" The quartermaster glared at her viciously. But not for long. Before he could realize what was happening, Eva lunged forward, grabbing the nearest dagger and held it to his throat.

"Do I look like a bloody servant? Do I look like I am here to be of service to you?" Eva sneered while pressing the blade nearer to his artery.

"I…I… I am s-orry…my…la--dddyy," the quartermaster stuttered, his eyes wide with fear, "you are right, you are not the s-s-ervant I was looki-i-ingggg f-ff-o-orrr."

"Well that is obvious; though let me make a suggestion that, in your current predicament, I think you should take into consideration: treat your elves better. I do not want to hear anymore of lashings or punishment. Just because you lucked into your position does not mean you are in any way better than them. Do you hear me?" Eva hissed.

"Yes m-m'aamm!" He stammered quickly. She let go of his throat.

"And as proper atonement, I am going to take the supplies I need and you will say nothing about is that clear?" The man only nodded silently, still rubbing his throat where a few seconds ago a dagger had so perilously been. Eva grabbed two well made daggers.

She looked through the armor, but most of it was too heavy, and all of it was made for a man. Ah well, she thought, I guess I will just have to be extra fast to avoid being hit. She glanced down and realized that she was still wearing her wedding gown, though by now it was filthy, torn, and blood stained. She sighed, and closed her eyes trying furiously to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Why would this Duncan want her she wondered? All she seemed to do is fail those around her. She had failed to keep Shianni safe, she failed to keep her groom alive, and he was dead because of her. She opened her eyes, a cold steel hardening them as she vowed to make amends for all those she had failed, for herself. I should find Alistair now, she told herself.

With a deep breath, she continued forward. As she was looking for this Alistair person, she passed the dog kennels. She stopped for a moment looking at the Mabari war dogs. Eva felt for those creatures. Such proud and strong beings, caged and harnessed by the selfish Shemlens. As she gazed at them, she noticed one in particular that seemed very ill. The Kennel Master saw her looking at the sick hound and came to stand next to her.

"He swallowed too much darkspawn blood during the last battle. Poor chap, not much I can do for him at the moment. Hey, are you one of the new Grey Warden recruits?" He asked, looking at her suddenly.

"I am, why?" Eva stated evenly.

"Would you by any chance be headed into the Korcari Wilds soon?" asked the Kennel Master.

"I have no idea, why? Is there something in there that could help him?" Eva asked hopefully. If she could save some living being's life she would try her hardest. Redemption is a long path.

"There is a white flower with a blood red center, if you could find one it might just save this poor beast's life."

Eva pondered this for a second then said, "Well, if I do go into the Wilds, I will try to find it." And with that, Eva turned, more determined than ever to find Alistair, now that she had a purpose. She headed to the northern edge of camp, the only place she had yet to look.

As she approached a stone gazebo of sorts she heard arguing,

"And her I thought we were getting along so well. I was even going to name one of my children after you: the grumpy one."

"Fine, I will go speak to her – out of my way fool!" the mage yelled as he brushed past Eva. Without skipping a beat, Alistair turned to her and said, "One good thing about the Blight is how it brings people together."

Eva tilted her head to one side, "You are a strange human."

Alistair smiled, "You aren't the first to tell me that," he took in the sight of this gorgeous elf that seemed to have just appeared before him. She had bright red hair with cute floppy bangs and the rest pulled up in a messy bun, little hairs escaping here and there. She had a unique tattoo that curved down the side of her face. And her eyes, those bright cold grey eyes that held so much depth. He could see her suffering, deep in those eyes, but she a determination that all but shrouded other emotions. Realizing he was staring, he swallowed and continued, "You must be the new recruit, odd, we don't have many women in the Grey Wardens."

Eva's cold grey eyes narrowed in anger at this statement, "I am not here to be your whore – so if you think that I am going to --,"

"No, no, no!" Alistair interjected, burning red, "I didn't mean it like that, honestly!"

Eva calmed a bit, a little embarrassed at her overreaction. This man didn't look like he even knew how to take advantage of a girl, she thought as she looked at him, "Sorry," she muttered, "let's get back to Duncan." And with that she turned to head back into camp.

"I don't think I ever caught your name, " Alistair mentioned as he hurried to catch up with her. Let's get back on track, he thought.

"Eva," she said simply, "it's Eva."

"That's a pretty name," Alistair commented absentmindedly, and this time it was Eva's turn to blush.


	3. Chapter 3

"So you are the third recruit," Daveth stated slyly, "I wondered who would have been brazen enough to hold a dagger to the Quartermaster's throat and then take said dagger without payment."

Alistair looked horrified, "You did what?!"

Eva stared at him evenly, "He called me his servant and threatened me with ten lashes. I merely set him straight as to who I was and how he should treat his elves. I promise you, he is a better shem for it," she said this matter of factly and continued into the wilds, refocusing on their tasks at hand. Find darkspawn blood, find treaty scrolls, and her own personal quest: find the wildflower needed to cure the sick dog.

"Shem?" Sir Jory asked quizzitively.

"Human," Eva answered flatly. And then with a flash of anger, "If you continue to look at me like a piece of meat, Daveth, I can personally assure you of your to-be eunuch status."

"But my lady, how can I tear my eyes off such a beautiful woman. You know, I have never been with an elf. Care to show me a lesson or two?" Daveth replied while gazing at her rather lecherously. Alistair groaned as he heard this interaction. Based on the conversation he had with Eva when they first met, he did not think this would end well. And he was right. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a silver glint and the next thing he knew, she had a knife in her hand and was about to give Daveth a serious bloodletting.

With a rare authoritative sound issuing from Alistair's mouth, he barked, "Daveth! You will keep you words, eyes, and anything else to yourself. And Eva? Please try not to kill our companions. Duncan will be ever so mad at me if I have to explain why we are coming back one short."

Eva reluctantly sheathed her dagger all the while mumbling, "Lucky shem, for now you live, but just for now."

They had been in the Korcari Wilds for almost three hours now. Eva had been getting increasingly frustrated with her clothing. Anyone who doubted the impracticality of a wedding dress had obviously never had to hike several miles and kill mutated creatures in one before. First she had rid herself of the ridiculous shoes. Yes, walking in a forest barefoot created its own bloody problems but was much easier than dress shoes with their little heels. Next, she took a dagger to the lower portion of her dress. Now at least she could run, and be slightly stealthy. But wedding dress fabric didn't move well and it certainly did not breathe. So when she found a chest that had robes for a woman, she was quite pleased. That was until she put them on. Wow, she thought, Chasind women really wear these things. With this little coverage, she was sure Daveth would reinstate his looking-speaking shortcoming. Well, at least she had boots now. They could soak up the blood from her weeping feet. Always the optimist, Eva thought bitterly.

"Look, I realize women enjoy playing dress up but can we just get going, I really don't like these woods, and the longer we are here the more likely we will get killed," whined Sir Jory. With an audible huff, Eva stepped out of the brush she had moved into to change. Alistair looked like his eyes would pop straight of his head. His cheeks turned several shades of pink as he coughed and quickly looked away. Daveth started snickering, which turned into a cough as Eva shot daggers at him with her eyes.

"Look, I would strongly advise nobody mention this, lest they wish to lose some manly bits," Eva hissed dangerously. She may not have liked the revealing nature of the robes, but she had to admit they were a hell of a lot easier to fight in them than a wedding gown. In no time they had their three vials of darkspawn blood and were nearing the ruins, which was good because the sun was starting to hang a little low for comfort.

When they saw the crate in the ruins, they all started to run towards it. But just as quickly they stopped when they realized that it has been smashed in. Great, Eva thought, just when I this was almost over.

"Be you thief or scavenger?" a voice rang out. Eva and the others looked around and all eyes turned on a woman clad almost as scantily as Eva.

"Be careful," Alistair warned, "she looks Chasind, there may be others nearby."

"You fear that barbarians will swoop down on you!" the woman cackled.

"Yessss, swooping is bad," Alistair countered.

"You there, " the woman shouted, pointing to Eva, "women do not frighten easily like little boys, tell me your name and I will tell you mine."

"You may call me Eva, and you are?"

"I am Morrigan, and if you are looking for the contents of that chest there, you will find that they are long gone."

"You stole them! Give them back, you, you sneaky witch-thief!" Alistair yelled.

"How eloquent," Morrigan drawled, "But I will not give them back, for it is not I who stole them."

"Can you tell us where our treaties are?" Eva asked. She really just wanted to get out of there.

"T'was my mother who took them, I will take you to her," Morrigan answered, turning as she beckoned them to follow.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, she looks like a witch of the wilds. At first it's all follow me, I will lead you to your goal and then bam, frog time!" Alistair whispered.

"Do you have a better idea? I am cold, and tired, and just want to get the treaties and leave. So if you have a faster more efficient way of accomplishing our goal, by all means lead away!" Eva growled.

"No, no, me leading is bad, very bad, people die, and I end up lost and alone…without pants," exclaimed Alistair. That made Eva chuckle a bit and shake her head. He was indeed a strange human. After following Morrigan deeper into the Wilds for what seemed like forever, they came across a strange hut with an old woman standing outside, almost looking as though she were waiting for someone. Us? Eva wondered, could she have known we were coming? This all felt very strange, but it was too late to turn back now.

"So, " the old woman started, "you have come looking for your treaties." It was not a question. "Well it just so happens that I have been keeping them safe, and before you start, your precious seals wore off ages ago."

"You kept them safe? Thank you," Alistair could not hide the surprise in his voice.

* * *

Alistair decided to walk beside Eva and try to talk to her on the walk out of the Korcari Wilds. One, it was better than interacting with that evil hag, Morrigan, who was guiding them out of the forest. Two, he thought maybe talking with her would distract her from noticing the lewd glancing Daveth thought he was giving sneakily. And finally, she looked so interesting, he wanted to get beneath that hard exterior.

"So…you are from Denerim," he started, figuring that would be safe territory.

"Was from Denerim," she responded distantly, "I don't think I am allowed back now."

"Why is that?"

"I killed some people. Was about to be hanged when Duncan acquired me. I guess killing the Arl of Denerim's son and his guard makes me Grey Warden material," Eva shrugged, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

Alistair was not expecting that answer, so much for safe territory he thought. Had she really killed those people. He looked at her sideways, trying to figure out what lay behind that cold answer. "Why?" he asked cautiously.

"Why did Duncan recruit me? I have no clue, you would have to ask him?"

"No, I mean why did you kill those men?"

Eva stiffened at this question. Because he deserved it, she thought. Because he tortured and raped me for years, because he took my friends and raped them, because he is an evil, evil shem that deserves nothing less than eternal damnation. All this she thought, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. This was her shame, not a story for some innocent human, who probably never understood true despair. "I…I don't want to talk about it," Eva finally stammered.

Alistair persisted, "You really killed them. In cold blood?"

Eva laughed darkly, "Trust me, my blood was boiling."

He was about to try to get more information, not recognizing the danger in her voice, but he didn't get the chance because suddenly Eva squealed and ran over to a patch of flowers. This almost alarmed Alistair more because she looked truly joyous at seeing these flowers. So she can kill men without a second thought, but squeals at the sight of flowers, he thought. She is a strange elf.

"These are the flowers the Kennel Master needs to cure the sick hound!" Eva exclaimed, "I can't believe I almost forgot. The dog can be cured now!"

Kills men, saves dogs, Alistair was thoroughly confused by this woman now. Granted, he was always confused by women, but she was a special case, even for him. Finally, they reached the camp. Morrigan turned without another word and disappeared back into the Wilds. Alistair thought he would not mind if he never saw that shrew again. Alistair's thoughts were very somber as he realized that the Joining ritual would begin soon. How many would die? What of this elf? He made a mental note to ask Duncan why he thought a repentless killer would make a good Warden.

_A/N: Next is the Joining and the battle at Ostagar. Then the setup should be complete. I promise more depth in the future, just trying to set the scene. Reviews welcomed! Hope you are enjoying!_


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as they had arrived at camp, Eva ran over to the Kennel Master. She knew the Joining was important, but she needed to know that she could save a life, especially after all that she had lost. Excitedly, she handed over several of the flowers the Kennel Master had described. He has said he only needed one, but she brought a few just in case. This hound **had** to live, he just had to. The Kennel Master seemed quite happy that she had brought the required flower.

"Wonderful," the Kennel Master started, "I think this will do the trick, thank you, I am very happy not to have put the creature down. Come back after the battle and we can see about imprinting him on you."

Eva was actually happy for the first time since this whole adventure started. But the smile drained from her face as she reached where the others were talking to Duncan. He was eager to start the Joining and apparently it could be deadly. Great, Eva thought darkly, just when things were looking up, I might die. Just my luck. Distantly she heard Sir Jory whining, bringing her out of her self-pitying thoughts. "Well let's get this over with," Eva heard herself saying.

* * *

Blinding pain. That is all that Eva could feel or think of as the taint coursed through her. What the hell was happening to her. She could hear roaring in the distant, could feel overwhelming heat enveloping her. Is this what dying feels like, she wondered? If she was dying she would it would happen already, she was sure how to endure much more of this agony. When everything started to fade to black, she welcomed the relief she was sure death was bringing her.

* * *

Alistair stood there, praying more than he ever did during his youth at the Chantry. Let her live, please let her live. They can't all die, they just can't. She needs to live. He was almost frantic as she collapsed to the stone ground. When he glanced over at Duncan though, the other man seemed calm and almost relieved. She must be ok then, Alistair thought, Duncan wouldn't look like that otherwise. They were both leaning over her as her eyes fluttered open.

"Welcome, sister," was the first thing Duncan uttered upon her awakening. Eva was confused for a moment. Wait, she was alive? She had survived? She sure hoped that was the case because if death meant a splitting headache for eternity, then she was in no rush to get there. Duncan extended a hand and helped her to her feet. "How do you feel," he asked, looking mildly concerned.

"That was the single most painful experience I have ever had the unpleasure of feeling," and looking at Duncan knowingly added, "and I can handle a lot of pain."

Alistair was confused at the exchange occurring between Eva and Duncan, but rightfully thought that this was not the time to ask. Another thing to file away that I must ask Duncan about later, he mused. He was brought out of his contemplation by the realization that Duncan was asking Eva to join him in a meeting with the king. And more amusingly, he seemed to be asking her not to say anything mean this time. So she insulted the king. Definitely crazy he thought, adding this to the killing of men and being the savior of dogs. It almost made him want to go with them. Almost.

* * *

"So while one of the most important battles in the last four centuries occurs, I will be holding a flaming stick?" Alistair asked as though it couldn't be true. Duncan must be playing a joke on him, only Duncan didn't really joke. Damnation.

"We," this one word interrupted his thoughts, he turned to look at Eva. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, "I think you mean **we** will be holding a flaming stick while one of the most important battles in the last four centuries occurs," she repeated sternly.

"Why of course, how could I forget you my lady." Alistair countered dryly.

"I was wondering the same thing," came back Eva

Duncan growled wearily at their bantering.

So soon they were off to the tower to light the beacon. Below the battle had begun and if Eva thought that the noise before was loud, this din was downright deafening. As they neared the tower, Eva could tell that something was terribly wrong. She looked over Alistair and seeing his jaw set and eyes narrowed, she knew that he felt it too. Darkspawn. Sure enough a Circle mage and a tower guard came running up to them. The tower had been overrun by darkspawn. Both Alistair and Eva were wondering how on Earth did the darkspawn get to the tower before the battle started. This was supposed to be an easy task. You wanted fighting, Alistair thought bitterly, be careful what you wish for I guess. Soon they were flying into a fury cutting down darkspawn after darkspawn.

At one point, after felling a Hurlock emissary, Alistair glanced over to where Eva was doing a sort of deadly dance as she twirled, hacking down three genlocks in the process. He stood in awe of her skill, he no longer doubted that she could take down an estate of men. After killing the rest of the darkspawn within arm's reach, she looked over at him as she rested her hands on her knees, panting. Even covered in blood and entrails, she managed to look beautiful, he thought. Bad thought. Go away thought. Thinking human hating, mass murdering elves are beautiful is a bad path to head down.

Eventually, they were standing in the stairway to the top of the tower. It seemed to take an eternity to slay all the darkspawn that stood in their path. With one last look at each other and a quick nod, Alistair kicked the door open to the top of the tower.

"What the –," was all Eva managed as she looked up at the largest, and most disturbing monster she had yet to see. An ogre.

"Get moving," Alistair yelled as he rushed toward the beast his shield at the ready. Eva only needed to be told once as she started slicing at the ogre's legs. Artfully, she dodged one leg and then the other as the ogre made violent attempts to kick her away. Finally, she managed to sever a tendon and the fiend fell to the ground. Once he was incapable of movement, Eva swiftly jumped on top of the swine and began aimlessly stabbing her daggers into its head over and over. It wasn't until the ogre's brains were completely liquefied, did she stop. In the meantime, Alistair rushed over to the pyre and lit it ablaze. They shared a brief moment of victory before the arrows started flying seemingly out of nowhere. And again, for the second time in all too soon, Eva felt the blackness enveloping her.


	5. Chapter 5

She was getting tired of opening her eyes and either feeling dread or pain. Can't I just wake up and feel happiness and be thinking about, oh I don't know fuzzy bunnies, she wondered harshly. But alas, that was not to be her destiny it seemed.

"You are awake," she heard a familiar voice say. She looked around and saw the witch from the Korcari Wilds they had met earlier. Where was she, she wondered. As if the witch could read her mind she answered, "You are in our hut, mother rescued you. The man who was to bring aid, quit the field. Your king lost the battle, all perished. Your friend is not taking it well," Morrigan finished with a slight distain on her face.

Eva was beside herself, she didn't know what to think, other than, more dead, the more people I meet the more that die. "Alistair, you mean Alistair," thinking back to what Morrigan had said about a friend.

"Yes, and once you are dressed, mother would like to speak with you," the witch answered. Eva slowly got out of the bed, just about every inch of her body sore. She dressed herself as quickly as she could, and given the limited nature of the robes she stilled donned, even being injured didn't make it take long. Then she limped out of the hut and saw Alistair standing a small ways off gazing over the marshes that the hut overlooked. He heard the creaking of the door and whipped his head around.

"You! You are alive! So many…Duncan…the King, they are all," Alistair started to choke up, "they are all dead."

"I know," was all Eva could manage to say. She saw the hurt in his eyes. He knew despair now, he knew the feeling of utter hopelessness. Sadly the thought crossed her mind, we are truly of one set now. This bond was not a happy one, but it bound them, this knowledge of devastation. While wallowing in her dark thoughts, she realized that Alistair and the old woman were speaking.

"This Arl, these treaties, I may be old, but this sounds like an army to me," the old woman that Alistair had called Flemeth was saying.

Alistair turned to Eva, "can we do this? Find these groups and go to the Arl of Redcliffe to stop this Blight."

The look in his eyes almost begged to have something to hope to for. And in their new camaraderie, she had not the heart to squash it. She knew all too well that sometimes hope was the only thing that kept the heart beating. So she squared her shoulders, set her jaw, and nodded with all the courage she could muster. Flemeth wasn't quite done with them yet though.

"I do have one last bit of help to offer you," the old witch interjected. Just then Morrigan came out of the hut announcing dinner.

"My daughter will accompany you on your journey to these many places."

"Wait, what?" both Morrigan and Alistair said almost in unison, causing a cackle to erupt from Flemeth, "You heard me child, you have been itching to get out of these woods for ages now, here is your chance."

Despite protests from both Alistair and Morrigan, less than an hour later, all three of them were trudging through the woods heading towards a small town Morrigan referred to as Loethering. Everyone was eerily silent, either in mourning or sulking. Just as the sun was creeping to sleep in the west, they made it to the edge of the forest. Seeing as both Alistair and Eva were recovering from their injuries, it was decided that they should camp there for the night, and head into Loethering in the morning. Setting up camp was a somber event. They didn't have any tents yet, hoping they could pick some of those up in town. For now they would sleep on the ground with some dirty blankets around a fire Morrigan had so generously set ablaze. The evening was mostly shrouded in quiet. No one really felt like talking. Every time Eva looked over at Alistair, he seemed on the brink of tears. He had pretty much let her lead at this point. He didn't like to lead people on a good day and today was definitely not a good day. Despite all the pain and anger, the three eventually fell into deep sleep. Yes, one of them should have been on watch, but Morrigan put up some weak detectors and neither Alistair nor Eva felt any darkspawn, so asleep they fell.

As morning dawned, Eva was pulled awake by a burning in her chest. As she started to move, she realized that Alistair had also felt it.

"Darkspawn," Alistair answered her unasked question. So that is what that feeling is, Eva thought, she knew that every time that she was fighting the fiends that she felt weird, but now she realized she must be sensing them. As on cue, three hurlocks came lumbering out of the woods into the clearing. Without another second of pause, Eva grabbed her dagger near her blanket and started advancing on the menaces. It didn't take long for Eva and Alistair to slay the three beings, but it did make them think that they should definitely get a move on. And that no more nights would occur without a watch.

As they approached the shambling excuse for a village, Alistair broke his self imposed silence, "Um, I have been thinking." This caused Morrigan to snigger and make some comment under her breath about smelling something burning.

Alistair ignored her, "Do we have a plan? Where are we going to go to first?"

Eva recognized that this question implied more than the obvious. He had no intention of taking back the leadership she had reluctantly taken in the last day. Nope, this was hers now. The girl who felt she caused sorrow to everyone she met, current company definitely included, leading felt terrifying. But she couldn't look into his broken eyes and let him down. You know, she thought to herself, one of these days you are really going to have to get over this protecting people thing, it does you no service. But today was not that day.

"You said you knew the Arl of Redcliffe? Well I think that is a start. At least it's a person one of us knows. Better than starting with complete strangers. But before we go anywhere, we need supplies, and any extra money we can scrape up," Eva answered with as much confidence as she could muster.

"Fair enough," was Alistair's relieved reply. She would make the plan, he thought, he didn't have to lead.

Loethering was a sad village filled mostly with refugees. Despite the squalor conditions, the motley crew was able to find a lot of what they needed. Several people needed help getting herbs for potions and poisons. Morrigian was the only one in the group who had any knowledge of such things, so Eva sent her out to a small forest on the edge of town to collect the necessary ingredients. She started to protest, but Eva was firm. They needed money, these people were will to pay, and she would pull her weight. As she stomped off, Eva decided that she and Alistair would look for some armor for her and any in town tasks they could accomplish. For a small bit they walked side by side in silence.

"Do you want to talk about Duncan?" Eva was the first to break the silence.

"You don't have to do that, I mean I know you didn't know him very long," Alistair wasn't sure if he could bring himself to talk about it.

"It seemed like he was a sort of father to you," Eva said, thinking that talking about might get him out of his funk a little bit.

"Yea, something like that. He was the first person to really see me for what I could be. He cared about my happiness. But he always warned me something like this could happen. Still I never really believed he would – he would," Alistair took a deep breath, "die. "

"I understand," Eva responded soberly.

"Have you? Have you lost someone close to you? I don't mean to pry, I just wondered," Alistair asked.

"Yes," Eva answered so quietly Alistair had to lean to hear, "I lost me."

Alistair didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't have to though, because Eva continued,

"I don't kill for fun you know."

"What? I didn't think – I didn't mean – I wasn't -," Alistair couldn't finish his sentence. He had wondered that. I mean she didn't seem like the crazy cold blooded murdering type, but the way she described slaughtering a house full of men with such calm, the thought had crossed his mind.

"Aloofness is a really good defense. But it's not that I don't care about taking lives. Those men, the ones that I killed, they really did deserve it. What they were going to do," she took a long breath, "to those women, what they did to Shianni, what they have done to me…they very much deserved their fate," Eva stopped and looked up at Alistair hoping that her explanation would suffice for the moment. She couldn't bring herself to tell him more, but she wanted him to understand. Alistair looked into those grey eyes and he say the deep rooted pain, they kind of pain that only comes from losing everything that you hold true. He could only grasp the surface of what she was saying, but even the surface horrified him. She knew deep, lasting pain, he understood.

"Thank you," Alistair finally said.

"For what?" Eva tilted her head towards him.

"For letting me talk about Duncan, it helped a little. And for telling me a little about why you killed those men. I am sure I don't fully understand, but I think I get enough to think you were justified in your actions. Thank you for trusting me with that," the look in Alistair's eyes as he said that told Eva he really meant it. Maybe there was a good shem in this world after all, she thought.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Did I mention Bioware owns everything from Dragon Age? Yep they own it, not me, I just play with it._

_----_

All three of them had agreed to meet up at a tavern they had been informed about called Dane's Refuge. By the time the sun was starting to wane, Morrigan had completed the herbal tasks and was sitting in a corner near the entrance waiting for her companions. She did not like being alone in this village. The odd, almost hostile stares she received from many of its inhabitants put her on edge. She wished her companions would hurry up, or at least Eva. If Alistair was to fall in a well somewhere and broke his neck, she would not be too put out. Well, maybe a little, she needed him for what Flemeth had sent her to do. She shuttered at the thought. At that moment though, Eva and Alistair came through the door, with – was that a dog in tow? Wonderful, Morrigan thought, another slobbering fool.

"Did you find all the necessary herbs," Eva asked.

"Indeed. I have deposited them to the appropriate people, here," she answered, laying a pouch of coins on the table, "are the profits. Pulling my weight indeed."

"Thank you Morrigan. Trust me; your task was probably nicer than ours. Spending a day killing endless bandits does work up an appetite though. Food everyone?" Alistair and Morrigan murmured their agreement and the got up, about to return to camp.

"Well, well, what do we have here? Grey Wardens, eh?" a gruff voice rang out as three men stepped in their path, "You know Loghain has ordered us to kill any of the Warden traitors who escaped Ostagar."

"Traitors? We are no traitors! Loghain is the traitor here, turning his back on the King!" countered Alistair.

"Kill them! For Loghain!" was all the soldier said before lunging at Eva, sword in hand.

"Surely there is no need to fight," a red-headed lay-sister dressed in Chantry robes said, stepping out of the shadows.

"Out of our way sister, this group will be slaughtered for their crimes," the soldier yelled, continuing his advance.

"Fine, so be it," the sister replied as she pulled out two daggers and aligned herself with the Wardens. Eva and the others didn't have time to question this motive, seeing as they were soon engaged in a vicious bar fight.

Just as Eva was about to strike the final blow in the last soldier standing, the lay-sister grabbed her wrist, "I think they have learned their lesson, there is no reason to continue." Eva looked at her with wild eyes, but seeing the calm this woman exuded, she slowly lowered her dagger.

"You are to bring a message to Loghain," Eva started, "We know what he has done, and he will not get away with it. He will pay for his actions."

The soldiers nodded vigorously, not wanting to push their luck. They got up and scurried from the tavern. Slowly all the eyes they had attracted turned back to their conversations or ale.

"Sorry, but I could not stand there and not help you," the red head began to say, "My name is Leliana." She went on to explain that she had had a vision, the maker had spoken to her directly, and she was coming with them on their journey.

"Uh, wait, do you think this is a good idea?" Alistair asked, "I mean she is like one Archdemon short of a blight."

"Why not?" Eva said as she threw up her hands, "what's one more misfit. You know I think she will probably fit right in, and besides a cheery crazy might do our doom and gloom group some good. If I am wrong, we can always tell her we saw something shiny over there, and run in the opposite direction."

"Right," was all Alistair could manage.

Being as there was no food in this town, the group, with their new addition headed to the outskirts of the village to set up camp. Having tents was a great improvement. It allowed for a shred of privacy, which Eva felt would be more important as their group expanded. Leliana was already telling them of a Quanari that was imprisoned in Loethering that might make a good companion. Yes, he had murdered a whole family, but Leliana was convinced he looked repentant. While this made Alistair a bit nervous, Eva was not so quick to judge a man because he was a murderer, given her past and all. She promised Leliana that she would talk to the Revered Mother about releasing him in the morning. Just then, Morrigan came galumphing over to the fire, looking as though she was about to go on a murdering spree of her own.

"Where in the hell did you pick up that mangy beast? And for once I am not speaking of Alistair!" Morrigan fumed.

"Hey!" Alistair was about to respond, but the daggers in Morrigan's eyes caused him to close his mouth rather quickly.

"I saved his life back in Ostagar. He must have been searching for me. He is perfectly nice. His name is Belegaro, by the way," Eva answered smoothly.

"I don't give a rat's ass about his name," the witch hissed, "he just but a dead rabbit in my unmentionables."

Despite himself, Alistair collapsed in a fit of giggles, not caring if it meant he would soon be a toad. Seeing Alistair in such a state soon sent Leliana in a similar condition. Eva was struggling to maintain her composure, if only to prevent them all from meeting a magic induced death.

"I will talk to him about it," was all she managed to get out, still attempting to stifle a laugh. Morrigan turned several shades of red, and without another word, spun around on her heels and stomped off to wear she had set her tent up, far away from the others. The fear of the witch gone, Eva allowed herself to join the giggling mess that was Alistair and Leliana. It felt good to laugh, she thought. When was the last time she had really laughed like this, she could not remember.

Several hours later, Leliana wandered off to her tent, leaving Alistair and Eva alone in front of the fire. After a few minutes, Alistair realized she was staring at him, her head tilted to the side with an expression on her face he couldn't pinpoint.

"Do I have cheese on my face or something," Alistair asked, wiping his face furiously, causing Eva to chuckle lightly.

"No, nothing like that. I was just thinking, you aren't so bad for a shem."

"Um, thanks?" Alistair didn't really know what to say to that.

"Sorry, I am sure that sounded awkward, it's just what I was thinking at the moment."

"You really don't like humans very much do you?"

Her faced darkened as she focused on the fire intently, "Is there any reason I should? My entire life, I have seen the way they treat my people. We clean their chamber pots, make their food, sweep their floors. And all they can do is look at us with disdain. They call us knife ears. Knife ears! Really, they couldn't come up with a better insult? They beat our men and rape our women. They fear no consequences, because they do not have to. We have no voice, no say. And when we try to rise up, they just kill us. The children, the women, the men. Why should I like humans? What reason have they ever given me to want to like them?" She hadn't realized that she had begun to cry until she felt a hand on her shoulder, trying to sooth away some of her pain.

"I am sorry. I am sorry for you and your people. I am sorry on behalf of my race. I am sorry," Alistair apologized. He had never really thought about the plight of elves. He never saw them as inferior, though he knew a lot of people who did. He felt guilty that he never really noticed their suffering. If he was ever in a position, he vowed to himself right then and there, that he would find a way to help her people.

They sat there for another hour, in silence, Alistair never moving his hand from her shoulder. She didn't want him to. It was a lifeline. A sign she wasn't completely alone in her misery. Finally, she got up, and went to bed; she had second watch and wanted to get as much rest as she could before then.

Alistair was left, staring at the fire, listening to rustling of the never sleeping forest.

* * *

Rest was not in Eva's future though. As soon as she drifted into sleep, the nightmare set in. A huge dragon appeared before her eyes. Her chest screamed in protest of the pull this demon was eliciting. It breathed its hateful fire over her face; she swore she could feel her skin melt and slide off her bones. No matter what she did, she couldn't escape the pain. And when she thought it could get no more terrifying she heard the being hiss, "Your past pain will be nothing compared to the damage I plan to inflict. Your eternal suffering will be my greatest victory." It started what could only be described as a demented dragon laugh as she started to scream.

Alistair heard her thrashing about in her tent. He knew she was having the nightmares. He had them too sometimes. Though it was getting easier for him to block them out. Then he heard a blood curdling scream erupt from her small body. He was about to get up and go to her tent, when he saw her shakily extract herself from her sleeping place out into the fresh air of the night.

"The nightmares are common when you first join the Grey Wardens," Alistair said, staring at her pale form.

"Thanks for the warning," she replied wearily.

"You will learn to block them after a while."

"Well, after my Archdemon wake-up call, I think I am ready for my turn on watch."

"Are you sure? If you need some time, I can stay up a bit longer," but his offer was betrayed by a monstrous yawn that spewed from his body.

Eva smirked, "I think I will be ok, go to sleep. We have a long road ahead of us, and a murderer to recruit. You need your strength." In reality she didn't want to try to sleep again for a long time. She shuttered as the memory of the nightmare passed in front of her eyes.

The next morning had them heading back into the dying heart of Loethering, this time to the Chantry. Morrigan looked the most uncomfortable about this trip, so Eva let her wander around while Alistair and Leliana went to the Chantry with her. She could understand Morrigan's trepidation, being an apostate and all, about going to a building filled with Templars.

Eva wasn't exactly thrilled about this trip either. The last time she had been in a Chantry, all she could remember was the pain…and the blood. She shivered slightly at the memory. The lay-sisters were kind enough, though she was pretty sure several of them stepped away to vomit. Not that she blamed them. If she had been able to see her mangled and mutilated body, she would have probably lost it to. As it was she had been barely able to keep conscious.

Alistair turned to say something to Eva, and realized that she had stopped moving a few paces back. The look across her face was painful to see but confused him. Morrigan he could understand not wanting to bring herself to the attention of the Templars, but Eva? Did she secretly possess magic? Alistair doubted that, since he hadn't sensed anything from her, but then why did she look like she was facing down her death?

"Eva?" he asked tentatively, "Is something wrong?"

"Huh?" Eva looked at him, and then was aware of she had stopped moving, "Oh, sorry, just lost in a memory."

"By the expression on your face I am guessing it was not a good one? Did you have to scrub pots as child in the Chantry as well?"

"Um, no. Wait, as well? Meaning you did? Why would you be scrubbing pots in a Chantry?" Eva stared at him quizzically.

"I, um, well, busted. I am a bastard. And before you say anything, the fatherless kind. Arl Eamon, of Redcliffe? Well he took me in, that is how I know him. But after he remarried, his new wife didn't like having me around. I sparked rumors, you know, that I was Eamon's bastard, it wasn't true, but the rumor bugged her. So at ten they shipped me off to the Chantry. I was so angry at being shipped away. I felt like no one in the world wanted me. Not my father, not the Arl. When I found out, I was so furious, I threw my mother's amulet against the wall; it shattered. The only thing I had of hers and I broke it. I was stupid."

"You were young, and angry. I once broke a bed when my father wouldn't let me train with men who were preparing a rebellion. I wanted to be part of it, but my father said it was a doomed act and I was too young. So I kicked the bed until it cracked. I was so stupid, because then I had to sleep on the floor for months. When you are young, you don't always think first. You can't beat yourself up for it," Eva said in a moment of candor.

Alistair gave her a smile, thinking of her as a little girl with wild fiery hair throwing a tantrum, yep that seemed like her.

"I know, and I try to remember that. Of course, I didn't belong much in that Chantry either. Not really the religious sort you know. So I was mostly banished to the kitchen scrubbing pots. It wasn't until Duncan rescued me…" his eyes got slightly misty.

"I am sorry," Eva quickly responded, hoping to stave off another bout of melancholy in him.

"No, it's ok. I just owe him so much. If it weren't for him, I would be doomed to a life of being a Templar, standing around in some castle. I just wish I could honor his death in some way."

"First we beat the blight," stated Eva, "then maybe we can build a memorial for him. What do you think?"

"I would like that, I think Duncan would be embarrassed, but would like it as well."

"Good. Now onward to the Chantry."

Convincing the Revered Mother to release the Quanari was no easy feat. She seemed more than willing to let him be eaten by the coming darkspawn horde. But with a little help from Leliana, who would have thought having a lay-sister could come in handy, they secured the key to his cage. They also learned through a knight of Redcliffe, that the Arl had fallen very ill. Eva could see the rush of emotions running through Alistair. This reaffirmed her decision to go to Redcliffe first.

Sten, as they learned the Quanari to be called, was one of the most interesting people Eva had ever met. He didn't talk much, and when he did it was in short one or two word responses to questions. He had killed an entire family of farmers, she had learned. While he didn't seem too emotionally moved by the act, he did seem like he wanted to repent, so Eva seemed willing to help. Besides, he was huge, Eva thought, and since their seemed to be a bounty on their heads, having a giant wielding a massive sword, felt like a good addition. Having acquired all they could in this small town, the group headed west, toward Redcliffe and the beginning of their long trek to secure Ferelden's safety.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Warning! This is a very dark and relatively graphic chapter. Reader discretion is strongly advised._

_------_

They were still a full day away from Redcliffe when dusk started to envelope the land, so Eva thought it was a good time to set up camp. They did not have a tent for Sten, but as it turned out, Quanari only slept once every four days, and he did not need luxuries like tents. He declared himself the official watch guard for the first two nights, and left to patrol the area. Camp, itself was pleasant enough, Leliana played the harp and sang softly, giving the air a serene feel, even if it was a false one.

They had camped next to a small lake, so Eva decided to venture down and take a bath. She felt disgusting; from all the fighting and travelling, and she was sure she didn't smell much better than she looked. As she stepped into the cool water she could feel the dirt being lifted off her skin. She let her hands wander over her body, feeling each scar that covered her skin. The newer ones felt rough and raised, but the older ones were smooth and faint. It was amazing how the body could heal, she thought to herself. Even when she was sure that nothing could bring her skin back together, somehow she wound up in one piece again. Maybe one day her soul would be as lucky.

After she was finished bathing, she climbed back onto shore. She dressed herself in a loose tunic and pants that she had acquired in Loethering. They were far too big for her, being and elf and all, but at least she didn't have to live in her armor. Her non-revealing armor made of studded leather that she had bartered from a particularly shrewd merchant. The air felt cool but fresh as a gentle wind blew over her. It was so peaceful and quiet that she just sat there for a long while, staring out over the lake. So absorbed in her thoughts, was she, that she didn't notice Alistair approaching until he plopped down right next to her.

"Wanted to make sure our fearless leader hadn't drowned herself."

"Alas, I am still here, alive and very much undrowned."

"You changed the subject, you know"

Confused, Eva looked over at him, "by telling you I am alive?"

"Back in Loethering, before we entered the Chantry. You turned the questions on me, but you never did say why you were so scared to go in."

"Oh," Eva turned her gaze back to over the lake.

"I don't mean to pry really; it's just that not many people get the fear about the Chantry, unless you are an apostate. You aren't an apostate are you?"

"No, fear not, I am not a Morrigan in disguise," answered Eva, and then laughed at the relieved face of Alistair.

"So,"

"You really want an answer," Eva replied, not daring herself to look at him.

"Well, yes. But I understand if you don't want to tell me. It's just that there seems to be so much about you that I want to try to get to know some of you."

Finally, Eva looked at him again and took a deep breath, "the last time I was in a Chantry was in Denerim," she stopped, trying to catch her breath, which mysteriously was escaping her. Alistair waited patiently for her to continue, almost scared as to what she would say.

"An old woman had found me lying on the street outside of the Arl of Denerim's estate. I am afraid I must have caused her quite a fright. I was unconscious and pretty much covered head to toe in my own blood."

Alistair's breath caught in his throat.

"See, the Arl's son, Vaughan, he had a special hobby. He liked to humiliate and torture elves. When I was around fifteen, he started taking a special interest in me. So much so, that as long as he could get his hands on me, he wouldn't bother the other women of the Alienage," Eva's voice was shaky as she tried to muster the courage to continue her story, "I felt that my letting him…take…me, then I could protect my friends and family. So I took upon myself to be their guardian." She looked over at Alistair, trying to gauge his reaction. He looked like he had paled quite a bit, but he wasn't moving away or telling her to stop so she continued.

"At first…at first, I guess it was just fun enough for him to rape me. I was fifteen and scared, so my crying seemed to please him. But as the years went on, I became hardened. He couldn't get the response he wanted from me. That's when things started getting really bad."

Started getting bad? That was all Alistair could conceive. He thought that what she had told him was bad enough to last a lifetime. Years, he thought, years this man did this to her. He didn't really want to hear the rest, but he needed to know. He needed to know her pain.

"That is when he started bringing his friends along. I was a party toy, passed around for hours on end," the tears were streaming down Eva's face now, but she couldn't seem to stop talking. She had never really talked to anyone about this. People knew what the end results were of her suffering, but they never asked about it.

"Then came the torture. It became a game to them. How loud could they get me to scream. How long could I go before I started begging for relief. How far could they get their hand –" Eva couldn't continue, she ran over to a bush and started emptying the contents of her stomach. Alistair moved to where she was and gently rubbed his hand on her back trying to sooth her. The tears were falling freely from his face. Then the anger came. The men who did this were already dead, and yet he wanted to kill them all over again. How could any living being survive what she had been through, how did she manage to keep going, to keep living?

Once the vomiting had stopped, she turned around to look at him, his eyes as red as hers,

"One night, I guess they went too far, even for them. I don't remember most of it really. Just glimpses here and there. They old lady got some men to help her take me to the Chantry. I was so mutilated that at first they didn't even know if I was alive. I remember waking up there. I was in so much pain. A lay-sister was there, running her hands through my hair, chanting softly.

It was two more days until I was able to stay fully conscious for more than a few minutes. The Revered Mother came to speak to me. She told me that they had had to find mages who were visiting Denerim from the Circle. Mages! And you know how the Chantry normally feels about them. It took four mages around six hours to stop all the bleed and heal the worst of the wounds. The rest were cleaned and stitched the best they could be. Then she told me that they couldn't save my womb. I was to be barren. I could see the sorrow in her eyes, but I was too numb to respond. I didn't want to believe it. I am ruined. Ruined! A week later I returned to the Alienage. A sister from the Chantry had been there to tell my family where I was and what had happened. I couldn't look my father in the eye."

"He couldn't have blamed you for what happened, it wasn't your fault!" Alistair was almost frantic with a grief that wasn't even his own.

"No, he didn't blame me. See, in the Alienages we have a sort of pact. We don't hold the indiscretions and abuses of humans against those who are the subjects of the pain. Too many of us have known the humiliation that shems can inflict. But even knowing that, how do you look your father in the eye, knowing he knows what they have done. Knowing the shame coursing through me."

Alistair didn't say anything more. He just grabbed Eva and pulled her into his arms. He just stood there, holding her, letting her cry. Nothing he could say or do what make what had happened to her ok, he knew that. He couldn't erase her hurt, her pain, her suffering. He couldn't erase the scars that covered her body as eternal reminders. But he could protect her. He could make sure she never knew that pain again. He could bring some light into her world of darkness. And without even really knowing the feelings behind these thoughts, he knew he would do everything in his power to make sure he did all of those things and more.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning was an awkward one for Eva. She couldn't quite believe she had spilled her guts about her past like that to someone she hadn't met all too long ago. A shem at that. But he hadn't rejected her, hadn't backed away from her like she was somehow tainted, you know, apart from the actual taint that both of the shared. If anything, he seemed somehow closer to her. And not only in an emotional way. He literally seemed to stand closer to her, walk nearer to her, help her more. Eva would have thought this behavior would bother her, like he was babying her or something, but instead it just felt protective. It made her feel warm inside. Which was not a feeling she wanted to examine too closely. He is still a human, she told herself, even if he isn't as bad as most, it does not change the fact that he is human. At least that is what she was telling herself. Anything else just seemed too frightening.

Luckily, she had Leliana around to distract her from herself. Leliana liked to talk, about just about everything. She talked about shoes and hair and clothing. Eva didn't really care that much about any of it, but it was nice to have someone who could go on and on about superficial things. She was tired of talking about heavy things. So she let Leliana talk about the blue satin shoes she once owned, and about how she would style Eva's hair if she was given the chance. Such light, fluffy babble brightened Eva's mood, so she was a little surprised when Alistair announced that they were just about there. Then suddenly he stopped walking and motioned for her to come over to him.

"So you know how I told you I was a bastard? Well my father, um, my father was King Maric," he looked at her expectantly. What was she suppose to say, she wondered.

"So…you aren't just a bastard, you are a royal bastard?"

"Ha-ha, I might have to use that line sometime. Look, I didn't tell you because, well, I didn't want you to think of me differently. It was made quite clear to me that I was never in line to the throne and I would be quite happy to keep it that way. But it might come up when we see the Arl and I would rather you hear it from me first," Alistair managed to say without taking any breaths. Her eyes softened. She realized just how hard this was for him to admit.

"It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't change who you are to me. I never really interested myself in human politics anyways," she smiled, trying to tell him it would be alright. He took that assurance readily, "but, just so I know, are there any other secrets you wish to tell me about?"

"Other than my unholy love of cheese and a mild obsession with my hair, no, that is it."

She curled her finger inward to get him to come nearer, "Psst. Those last two aren't secrets."

"Damn, and I thought I was hiding them so well," Alistair laughed and with that they were back to normal, travelling to Redcliffe.

* * *

Just outside of the village stood a man who looked like he had seen better days. As they approached him, he ran to greet them, asking if they were here to bring aid.

"Aid, why do you need aid? What is going on?" Eva asked.

"So you don't know? Has no one heard?" the man looked even more panicked than before.

"What is going on here, man?" Alistair repeated what Eva had just said.

"There are things, monstrous things coming out of the castle every night! It's horrible," the man shuttered.

"Well, we will help the best we can," Eva stated, trying to calm the man, "who is in charge here?"

"Bann Teagan, he is in the Chantry, I will take you to him," and with that the man was running ahead of them.

Another Chantry, wonderful, both Eva and Alistair thought, though for very different reasons. They didn't get very much information out of Bann Teagan other than the walking dead seemed to come out of the castle every night and attacked the village. They were instructed to see Mayor Murdoc, who would be able to guide them on how they could be useful. Sten was not the happiest to be helping the village. He couldn't see the point, but Eva shot him down so sternly, that he simply grunted in disapproval but said nothing else.

Upon talking to Murdoc, who couldn't quite believe there was a female, elf Grey Warden, they were given various tasks to get the town prepared for battle. First, she went and threatened Dywn, the angry little dwarf, who was planning on just staying in his house that evening. He relented, seeing the dangerous look in her eye, and grumpily drudged past her to the town center. Her next stop was to see the blacksmith, who apparently wasn't fixing weapons and armor. Seriously, she thought, what is the point of a blacksmith if he isn't blacksmithing? Upon arrival, she found the man drunk and crying about his only daughter trapped in the castle. She could feel this man's pain, and despite the protests of some of her companions, promised to try to find his daughter. The last task, she let Leliana and Alistair handle. That was to convince the Revered Mother to give Ser Perth's men something holy to protect them. She figured that a former lay-sister and an almost Templar would be far more persuasive than a not-particularly religious elf. And she was right. Twenty minutes later, the two came back to inform her that Ser Perth's men could go pick up some amulets for their 'protection'. Now all that was left was to wait for nightfall.

* * *

Eva stood with her hands on her knees, panting as she watched the last of the undead fall. She couldn't believe how many of them there had been. It seemed like they came in never ending waves. What disturbed her most is that the undead use to once be dead, which were once living. She could only wonder if there was anyone left alive in the castle, for so many undead to be coming out of it. There wasn't much time to ponder this thought, because at that moment, Alistair came jogging up to.

"Bann Teagan asked us to meet him at the windmill," he panted.

It turned out that the Bann had a secret entrance to the castle through the windmill. Now that most of the undead had been slaughtered, he figured it was safe to use this entrance to gain access to the castle. They were just about to enter the windmill when a woman's voice rang clear, calling for Teagan.

"Isolde? I don't believe it!" exclaimed Teagan.

"Teagan! You must come back to the castle with me, we must save Connor!" cried Isolde, the panic clear in her voice.

"Wait, what is going on here?" Eva asked, looking back in forth between Teagan and this woman apparently named Isolde.

"Who are you?" Isolde's voice cooling considerably.

"I just saved the village lady, now I suggest you start explaining what is happening in the castle," Eva derided, causing not a few looks from those around her. It was not proper to talk to nobility in such a manner, but at this point, or at any point really, she wasn't concerned whether shemlen nobility were offended, she wanted to get to the bottom of this.

"There is no time, I must get Teagan back to the castle…alone," Isolde finished, her eyes shifting from side to side.

"This smells of a trap, I do not like this," Eva stated.

"It seems we have little choice in the matter. Here, take my signet ring and enter through the windmill. I will go back with Isolde. Maybe I can distract whatever is in there, so you can save the Arl," Teagan looked solemn but resolved nonetheless.

"Fine," Eva huffed, turning to go into the windmill, visibly miffed.

* * *

So it was a demon possessed child. Great, Eva thought sourly. I always wanted to have to kill a demon possessed child. Hopefully she didn't have to. Hopefully these mages at the Circle of Magi could help. Hopefully they were more competent than the blood mage they found. Really? Blood mages always brought up the images of dangerously intelligent magical people who were sinister and plotting. Jowan just seemed stupid, really stupid. How he ended up in this mess was both utterly surprising and yet completely understandable. Stupid people always managed to mess things up terribly. You think there would be a law or something, she pondered grumpily, as they were now trekking to the Circle around Lake Calenhad.

She almost considered using that blood magic, which would have killed Isolde, no great loss there, Eva cogitated, but one Alistair was freaked by it and two that mage would surely screw it up. So aside from outright killing the boy, which horrified her to think about, they had no other choice but the Circle of Magi. The only silver lining in this mess was that she had to go there eventually anyways, so why not now. Two birds, one stone. Still, that thought may her no less grumpy as they tiredly marched on. They hadn't rested in what seemed like days, but the idea of sleeping in a castle where a demon was trying to kill people didn't fit her idea of relaxing. Finally, unable to walk another step, she called for a halt so as to set up camp. They could get to the Circle in the morning, right now she wanted sleep. And hopefully no nightmares. Well, one **could** hope, right?


	9. Chapter 9

The idea of a tavern next to the docks that led to the Circle of Magi seemed out of place to Eva. Does the circle get many visitors? Do the mages come across the lake for a pint or two after a long day of enchanting? Somehow, Eva doubted the answers to these questions were a yes, but alas, there stood the Spoiled Princess.

As they neared the actual dock, they noticed that instead of a ferryman, which one would think would be the norm, there stood a Templar. An uneasy feeling crept into Eva's stomach. Something was up. Again, nothing she did could be easy.

"Stop right there!" the Templar warned, "No one is to go across to the Circle.

"Two questions. One, why? And two, am I correct in assuming a simple please will not satisfy you?" Eva asked.

"Answer one, because. Answer two, nope," the Templar responded smarmily.

"Just had to ask. Well then, how about this, you take us across, or I break your neck?" Eva was in no mood to negotiate or sweet talk. Some of her companions looked at her aghast, mostly Leliana and Alistair.

"Um, yeah, that sounds like a great idea. All aboard." The Templar replied quickly, not really feeling like dying just this moment.

Eva turned to her companions, "the boat is rather small. I want Alistair and Sten to come with me. Leliana and Morrigan, you are to stay here and set up camp. Hopefully, this will not take too long, but honestly, hope is rarely on my side." Everyone nodded in understanding and without much further ado, Eva, Sten, Alistair, and the Templar were making their way across the lake.

* * *

"The next time I offer to rid a tower of abominations and other demons, hit me hard," Eva grumbled to Alistair as they fought their way through yet another hallway of evil things.

"No problem, I would be more than happy to oblige," Alistair replied. They had made their way to the third floor, and Eva hoped that there weren't more than four floors in this place, because she couldn't take much more of this. She was tired, and sweaty, and covered in what she could only guess was blood, and maybe entrails. She didn't want to think about it too hard.

They came to the last unopened door on the floor. Since they had not found a stairwell anywhere else, they could only assume it was behind the door. Eva's suspicions were confirmed as Wynne, the elderly mage they had encountered early in the tower, nodded that it was in fact the way to the top floor.

The next thing Eva new is she was in someplace fuzzy. She tried hard to think about what had just happened. They had opened a door, she remembered, and now she was here. The rest was too hazy to make out. She was alone, but thought she saw someone standing in the distance. Hoping it was Alistair, and trying not to analyze why she hoped it was Alistair, she started running towards the figure. The closer she got however, made her realize it was Duncan, the man that had taken her from the Alienage. Why was he here, she wondered? Wasn't he dead? Yes, he was definitely supposed to be dead. Fuzzy surroundings, dead people appearing…the Fade! I must be in the Fade, she thought. Why am I in the Fade? Am I dead? That was the first question out of her mouth as she reached Duncan.

"No, you are not dead. The blight is over, the world is at peace and in harmony, we can rest now," this Duncan aberration told her.

"That can't be correct. You are dead, the archdemon is still alive, and the world is never in complete peace and harmony. What is the point of all of this?"

The false Duncan's face contorted in rage as he cursed her for being unable to accept this gift she was being offered. The next thing she knew, she was fighting Duncan and several other assumedly dead Grey Wardens. As the last of them fell, she noticed a pedestal glowing a few feet away. She walked up to it and could feel it pulsing. Slowly, she reached out her hand to touch it and felt herself being pulled into a vortex of sorts. When her surrounding stopped moving, she looked around at what appeared to be a new area. Another man was standing here, but this time she did not recognize him.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Niall, are you trapped her too?" the man answered.

"It appears so, but where exactly is here?"

"You are in the domain of the Sloth demon. There seem to be several islands, but I can't get to them. We are doomed to die here I fear."

"I don't die that easily, I will find a way out," and with that Eva was off, searching the island for a way out.

Several islands and demons later, Eva was rescuing her companions from their own dreams it seemed. Wynne had thought all of her apprentices were dead, and Sten was with his old group of Quanari it seemed. Both of them took some convincing to leave their dreams, but she had succeeded in getting the demons holding them to show themselves. Now she just had to find Alistair. He was with a woman that he called Goldanna, who was apparently his half sister. He was the hardest to convince to leave. It seemed a family was the only thing he ever wanted and now that he had it, even if it was a dream, he wasn't willing to give it up. It pulled at Eva's heart strings to have to wake him from his one desire, but they had a Sloth demon to slay and a country to save. She tried a new tactic. She started talking to the woman who claimed to be related to him, and forced her to show her true self. Alistair seemed slightly devastated after they killed her, but there was little time to mourn over false relatives. So quickly they went off to finish this twisted quest and get out of the Fade.

* * *

Defeating the Sloth demon and the Uldred took all the energy out of Eva. They crossed the lake back to where the others had set up camp. Instead of immediately packing up and heading back to Redcliffe, Eva decided they would rest. They had brought back the elder mage, Wynne, and she looked as though she were on the verge of collapse. Eva wasn't sure if bringing such an elderly mage was the best idea she had ever had, but the woman had seemed so determined to come with them that Eva didn't have the heart to tell her no. Also, Wynne was quite skilled at healing spells, and that could come in mighty handy on their journeys.

Morrigan was less than pleased to discover that another mage would be joining them, from the circle of all places. She placed her tent even farther from the group and refused to talk to anyone for the rest of the evening.

The next day, they packed up and headed back to the castle, hopefully to successfully save Connor from the grasps of this demon. They made it there in record time, reaching the gates just as the sun was beginning to lower itself into the horizon. On the way it had been decided that Morrigan would enter the Fade to kill the demon. Even though Morrigan had not been the greatest advocate of saving the boy, it still soothed her bruised ego of not being the only mage by allowing her to enter the Fade. Isolde seemed overjoyed when she saw they had returned. Without further delay, the mages from the tower that were still alive set up the ritual.

Eva felt that she was not needed for this, so instead she decided to look around the castle. At one point she came across what looked to be a study. Being a little nosy, she decided to root around and see if she could find anything interesting. Most of what she found utterly bored her. Do shemlens really spend so much time with such pointless politics, she pondered? I mean all these land squabbles just seem so silly. As she was trying to stuff the documents back into their drawer, she noticed that they seemed to be catching on something. She reached her hand into it, and pulled out a dusty, seemingly cracked amulet. What an odd place for a piece of jewelry, she thought. Then her mind flashed back to a conversation she remembered having with Alistair when he first told her the Arl had raised him. He had said that he had thrown his mother's amulet against the wall in a rage when he found out he was being sent to the chantry. She gasped quietly, this must be the amulet, she thought, the Arl must have glued it back together. Slowly, as though moving too quickly might somehow make it disappear, she slipped the amulet into the breastplate of her armor. Then she quickly got up and exited the room.

* * *

Now that the castle was safe from a demon, the group thought it would be nice to spend a night in real beds before deciding what to do next. The Arl was still ill, and they had to find some ashes that Teagan had talked about, but Eva felt a day or two of rest would do much for the company's spirits and energy levels.

Alistair was sitting on the edge of his bed, having just removed his heavy armor. It felt nice for once not to be on the hard ground, and he was going to take absolute advantage of it. He pulled his tunic over his head and tossed it aside when he heard a quiet knocking on his door. Confused as to who it could be, he got up and opened it. There stood Eva, also out of her armor, though still clothed in the large tunic and pants that she had acquired in Loethering. She blushed when she realized that he was only wearing loose fitting trousers, and tried not to stare at his smooth yet muscular chest. Alistair too seemed to notice his lack of clothing and ran back to where he threw his shirt as he invited her in.

"Did you want to discuss the plans for our group," he asked as she stood in the middle of the room seemingly looking every place but where he sat on the bed.

"Um, actually no. We can do that tomorrow I thought. I actually came here to, um," she was sweating at this point, "I came here to give you this," as she thrust her hand forward, dropping the amulet next to him on the bed.

"What is..." then Alistair became silent as he realized exactly what she had given him, "this is my mother's amulet. Where on earth did you find this?"

Eva blushed even more as she stared intently at the floor, unable to meet his gaze, "I, um, wandered the castle while Morrigan was in the Fade. I came across it in the Arl's study, he, uh, he must have repaired and kept it for you." Alistair was lost for a few moments, deep in thought.

"You remember me telling you about this? I guess I just assume people never listen to me when I talk."

"Of course I list en, you are special to me," as soon as the words fell from Eva's mouth, she wished she could take them back. Oh maker, why did I just say that? He is going to start laughing at me, or slowly back away. Why do I make such a fool of myself, Eva thought over and over as Alistair looked at her, a peculiar expression on his face. Then without warning, he leaned in and kissed her lips. At first, Eva stiffened thinking of the brutalities in her past, but this kiss wasn't brutal. It was by no means chaste, but it had a softness to it that Eva couldn't help but melt into. She relaxed and started giving herself over to this kiss. The kiss lacked fiery passion, not because either of them didn't want it, but rather neither of them was ready for anything more.

As they broke apart for air, the world came rapidly rushing back to Eva. She had just kissed a shem, she thought. Willingly. She willingly accepted and gave back a mind bending kiss, to a shem. This can't happen, her brain getting frantic, I can't deal with this. Run, was the last thought her brain issued, as she pushed away from Alistair and bolted from the room. Alistair was left sitting there, wondering what went wrong. Was it too soon, was it unwanted; she didn't seem not to want it. She did kiss me back right? I wasn't just imagining that, was I? The questions overwhelmed Alistair as he let himself fall back onto the bed. Happiness and despair rolled around in his tired brain. He had kissed her, and she had kissed him back. That made his stomach do flips. But then she had run from the room with a look of horror on her face. That made him want to cry. See, he thought, this is why I am so bad with women. They are too crazy. Even with all of these thought running marathons over and over in his mind, he slowly drifted off to sleep, still clutching his mother's amulet in his hand.

_A/N: I thank everyone for reading, sorry this last chapter took so long to update. I had a hard time finishing it. I think I will focus less on the actual play through in the future, because I fear it might bore people. But by all means, please review. Hopefully the next chapters get much more exciting._


	10. Chapter 10

Once Eva started running, she felt like she couldn't stop. She ran until she was outside of the castle. It was pouring down rain, but she didn't care. The rain felt cold and nice against her flushed cheeks. She fell to her knees, feeling more exhausted than after battling twenty darkspawn. Her mind was reeling with what just happened. He kissed me! I kissed him back! I enjoyed it! I should not have enjoyed it! What would they think of me back at the Alienage? Falling for a shem, one of those who keep the elves oppressed. The shame filled her head, but she just couldn't shake the way his rough lips pressed against hers had made her feel. It was so tender, yet so filled with emotion. Eva just sat there in the pouring rain, sobbing at all the emotions swirling in her chest.

Leliana had seen Eva running like a mad woman through the halls of the castle. Naturally worried, she decided to follow the distraught elf. She saw Eva leave the castle, but decided to watch her for a moment before intervening. Her heart ached for Eva as she watched her fall to her knees sobbing into the wind. What could have caused our leader to break like this, she wondered? Finally, after what must have been ten or so minutes, Leliana decided to intervene. She walked out into the rain, to where Eva knelt, and slowly put her arm around the smaller woman.

Eva startled, then looked up at the Orlesian woman's face, "Please, just leave me."

"Hush now, I cannot let you sit out here in this weather, you will catch an illness and we cannot have our leader ill. Come inside with me, you will be more comfortable."

Eva looked like she wanted to protest, but Leliana was hearing none of it. She helped Eva up and put a supporting arm around her to lead her back to the castle. Once inside, Leliana guided Eva to the Orlesian's room.

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes. I know you don't have any others, so you can borrow mine. Really I don't know how you don't have more. I couldn't imagine travelling without a change of clothes. Of course, these are nothing like the dresses we use to have, oh how I miss the sparkles," Leliana rambled on about the fashions in Orleis as she stripped the freezing, numb Eva out of the soaked clothing. Leliana couldn't help but notice the scars that traced Eva's body as she redressed her, the elf being unable to do anything it seemed. There were so many, she thought, many more than she could have gotten since their journey began. These ones seemed old and faded; almost like a map of how far back the scars went. Eva noticed the other woman staring and turned away as she finished dressing herself.

"I am sorry," Leliana apologized, realizing she was staring, "I have just not seen so many scars on one woman before. Have you been fighting for a long time?"

Eva let out a dark laugh, "It feels like I have been fighting something my whole life." Leliana could tell that statement held the absolute truth and a hundred secrets all in one.

"What are you fighting this time," asked Leliana softly.

"Myself."

Leliana could see the lightening storm in Eva's eyes and said nothing else. She just wrapped her arms around Eva and let her cry on her shoulder. She knew all too well that sometimes, fighting with yourself was the most difficult battle of all.

* * *

The next morning, Eva opened her eyes, not quite knowing where she was. As her senses slowly returned to her, she looked around. This was not her room, she thought. Before she could begin to panic, she her a soothing voice from the other side of the room.

"Ah, I see you are awake. I am glad you were able to sleep so well. You just looked so tired last night, I did not have the heart to whisk you off to your own bed, so I let you share mine," Leliana stated matter of factly.

"Oh, um, thank you. Sorry if I was such a bother last night"

"Nonsense. It was nice to have the company. Now we need to get you dressed so you can address the rest of the group. Let see what you should wear," with that Leliana turned to the amour, "Ah yes, I think this shall do very well. Much too small for me, but for you I think it will be perfect."

"Uh, I don't think a dress will fit well under my armor," Eva stated eyeing the dress as though it might bite her.

"We aren't leaving today, we are leaving tomorrow remember. Today is strategy and rest day. And since you can't rest in armor, I think you should wear a dress," Leliana said with the conviction a ten year old might have, when she really wants something.

"And I can rest in a dress," Eva raised an eyebrow at the thought.

"Yes. Yes you can, and you will, now go put it on," Leliana threw the purple dress at her and stomped out of the room, frustrated that it took so much convincing, but satisfied she got her way in the end.

Eva stood there; dress in hand, wondering how she had lost that battle. The last dress she had worn was her wedding dress. She shuttered, was there nothing in this journey that wouldn't drag up her past. It seemed that every event was haunted by her previous misfortunes. Well, she thought, I might not be able to avoid my past, but I don't have to let it dictate what I do. And with that she took off the tunic she was wearing and slipped into the dress. As much as she was never one for girly things, she had to admit it was a pretty dress. It was simple in its style, just a purple floor length dress, fitted nicely around the bodice, with billowy sleeves that gathered at the cuffs. It was modestly cut, but still showed plenty of the pale skin of her chest.

Leliana walked in again and gasped at how beautiful Eva looked standing there, "Oh how lovely, I knew it would be perfect for you. It brings out your bright green eyes. Now all there is left is to do something with your hair and it will be perfect."

"My hair? What is wrong with my hair?" Eva asked, looking at Leliana with great suspicion.

Leliana laughed at her friend's expression, "Oh don't worry, I promise you no birds."

* * *

The whole group had gathered in one of the Arl's drawing rooms, waiting for their leader to discuss their next course of action. They knew that they still needed to find the Dalish and visit Orzammar, but they also wanted to find the Urn of Sacred Ashes to help cure Arl Eamon. As Leliana looked around the room, she was amused by her companion's expressions. Sten looked clearly irritated that they weren't travelling today. Morrigan looked clearly irritated that she was indoors and with all of these people. But it was Alistair that particularly struck her. He looked like someone had stolen his puppy. He looked despondent and wistful, not too different from how Eva had looked. A spark shot up in her brain. Did Eva's breakdown have something to do with Alistair? Did they have a fight? Somehow, Leliana felt that it was more than just what direction should they travel first. Interesting, she thought, and was determined to pay closer attention to the two. She didn't have to wait very long.

Everyone looked up as Eva walked into the room. She positively radiated beauty and Leliana swore she heard Alistair's breath hitch as she glided into the room. Eva's eyes wouldn't meet Alistair's as she cleared her throat to start the meeting. It was decided that they should go look for the Dalish first, because they were rumored to be in Brecillian forest and it was best to catch them before they moved and became harder to locate.

"Then we should go to Denerim," Alistair stated, speaking for the first time.

"Yes," Leliana agreed, "that is where Brother Genitivi is and we need to talk to him to find the ashes."

Eva paled slightly and her left eye gave a twitch, "Well, are we even sure he is still in Denerim, maybe we should wait and see if he is somewhere else, already looking for the ashes."

The group stared at her strangely, as she started to sweat.

"No, I think that is the best place to look," Alistair replied warily. He never even considered she wouldn't want to go to Denerim.

"Fine, we will go to Denerim and then take it from there. Are we done now?" Eva asked tensely and the whole group could tell she wanted to get out of the room. They nodded, she fled.

"What happened between you two?" Leliana questioned Alistair after the others had left the room.

"What makes you think anything happened between us?" Alistair spoke with shifty eyes.

"Well, if I had any doubt, you didn't ask who I meant, so you already knew I meant Eva."

"Uh, damn. Well, you see…argh!" Alistair stuttered, not knowing how to begin.

"First I find Eva outside in the pouring rain sobbing, and now you two can't even look at each other. You will tell me what happened?" Leliana was determined to get to the bottom of this.

"She was sobbing in the rain?" Alistair dropped his head into his hands, sighing loudly, "I kissed her."

"You kissed Eva? Why?" this had not been the answer Leliana was expecting.

"I have been wondering that myself," Alistair mumbled, "She found my mother's amulet and told me I was special to her. I don't know what came over me, I just kissed her. And she kissed me back, I swear she did! But when we broke the kiss she got a panicked look in her eyes and ran away," his voice filled with despair.

Leliana took in this information quietly. So she panicked after kissing him back, hmm, that definitely was interesting, "she is scared that she likes you," she said finally.

Alistair looked up, "are you sure she just wasn't repulsed by me or maybe it was a really bad kiss. It's not like I have ever done that before."

"You never kissed a woman before? Oh, Alistair, I keep forgetting you grew up in the Chantry. Well I am sure it wasn't that, not if she kissed you back. She is probably confused about her feelings. She doesn't like humans much does she? I mean she has perfectly nice to us and civil to others we have met, but I always get the sense she tenses when she interacts with humans."

"Yeah, she doesn't like humans much."

"Why? I mean I have seen that in Ferelden, elves are not treated the best, but her dislike seems more intense." Leliana looked at Alistair questioningly, thinking he might know something.

"She was abused by the Arl of Denerim's son," Alistair blurted out before he realized what he said, "Oh maker, I wasn't suppose to tell you that, damn me."

"Oh my, poor Eva. No wonder she doesn't like humans. And, oh Alistair, this explains so much. She is afraid to love a human man because of what a man did to her. She knows you are different, but I would guess a pouch filled with gold that she is still feeling shame for liking a human," Leliana's eyes lit up with as everything clicked into place, "And of course, Alistair, she doesn't want to back to Denerim. That is where she is from. She probably doesn't want to see her abuser."

"She already killed him," Alistair said thoughtfully, "but that might make her a fugitive in Denerim, even if she was recruited by the Grey Wardens."

"She killed him! Alistair, she must be an emotional wreck! You need to go talk to her. She needs you. I think she knows that, you just have to get her to accept it. Go. Now." Leliana ordered sternly.

* * *

She was lying on her bed staring at the canopy when she heard a knock on her door. She guessed who was, and debated for a moment whether to let him in. She figured she couldn't avoid him forever, "Come in."

Slowly, she heard the door creak open, and didn't bother to look up. She heard his boots hit the floor as he walked over to her. She felt her bed dip as he sat on the edge. Finally, she lifted her head to look at the man that sat a few feet from her.

"I'm sorry I ran," she whispered so quietly Alistair had to strain to hear. He wasn't expecting an apology, so he was stunned into silence for a moment.

"I think that's my line," he joked heavily, "I didn't think about why you would be nervous to go to Denerim. We need to, but you know that and I should have been more sensitive. And about the kiss…"

"Don't apologize for the kiss," Eva interrupted him, "It was one of the best moments I can recall in recent months, and I don't want you to feel bad for it. I just panicked. You are a human. I have been taught and have learned firsthand that humans are evil. How can I be so drawn to one? I am still confused about how I can want you when you are suppose to be everything wrong with the world," Eva finished with a heavy sigh.

"If this is too much for you, I will back down," Alistair said, hoping the disappointment in his voice was well hidden, "I can stay away."

"NO!" the intensity of her voice caused Alistair to jump, "No, I don't want you to stay away. I just, just…" she dropped her head in frustration, why was this so hard to say, she wondered, "I just need to go slow, this is a really big step for me, and I need time to process everything."

"We can go as slow as you want. I mean I haven't done anything like this either," his voice shaking as he realized she still wanted to develop their relationship.

"You have never…" Eva started, no quite believing a man, a soldier no less, had never been with a woman.

"Nope. I grew up in the Chantry, no much opportunity," then Alistair looked up thoughtfully, "though even if I had I don't know if I would have. It doesn't seem like one of those things you should just do with the first girl to offer herself. I don't know, maybe I am just a romantic at heart," Alistair finished as a light blushed crawled up his face to his ears.

Eva looked at him curiously, but seemed to believe him well enough, finally she cleared her throat, her own blush starting, "Do you um think we could try that kiss again, I promise not to run this time."

A smile couldn't help but appear on Alistair's face, "I think that can be arranged," and with that leaned in and melted her heart a second time with an earth moving kiss. True to her word, this time she did not run away. She stayed and enjoyed the feel of his warm lips on hers. His hand came up and started running through her hair. She moaned quietly as their lips parted and she felt his tongue slip into her mouth. His warmth seemed to thaw a long frost that had unknowingly taken her heart and soul. Upon breaking the kiss this time, Alistair did not see panic in her eyes, only lust. They were both breathing hard for air. Silently, Eva leaned in and gave Alistair a light kiss on the lips before standing. Alistair got the message; that was all for today, but there would be other days for sure. He smiled to himself as he watched her slowly saunter out of the room. His heart was light as he let his mind wander. She liked him, she wanted him. He was already completely hers, even if neither knew it yet.


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: This would have been up earlier, but the expansion pack Awakenings came out today, so I had to give it a test drive. You can thank my boyfriend for wanting a turn, giving me time to finish the chapter. Happy readings!_

* * *

Leliana smiled to herself as she walked with her companions towards the Brecillian forest. From her viewpoint, it was quite obvious the two Wardens had made up. They were walking side by side a tad apart from the rest of the group. They seemed to be talking lightly, like there wasn't a care in the world, and that is a serious feat for two people who have a nation relying on them to kill an archdemon and stop a blight.

Alistair was elated that Eva was interested in him. He didn't know what the light-headed, knot in chest, butterflies in stomach feeling was, but he knew he liked it. He let him mind wander as the two fell into a comfortable silence while walking in the warm, breezy day. They were getting near where the Dalish were supposedly camped. He hoped that meeting the Dalish would relax Eva. She had been away from the Alienage for a while now, and he thought that seeing some of her own kind would be comforting to her. Apparently he didn't know much about Elven politics, what little of it there was. Up ahead he saw what looked to be guards on the edge of a camp. They hurried their pace slightly to reach them.

"Halt, stranger," a stern female elf held up her hand, "the Dalish occupy these woods, turn your travels elsewhere."

"We are here to speak to your Keeper," Eva stated, keeping a calm collectiveness about her.

The elven sentinel laughed, "and why would my keeper want to see you, flat ears?"

Eva reddened at the insult, "that is between your keeper and me," she was trying to remain calm.

This time the guard spoke to Alistair, "Did you think if you let your whore speak, we would welcome you? Just because she is an elf, does not make her kin to us!" the elf spat.

In one hot moment, Eva forgot her calm and backhanded the elf hard enough to cause her to stumble, "you bitch! I am no man's whore! I am in command here, and you will take me to your keeper!"

The result of Eva's words were a down and out fist fight between the two female elves. Parties on both sides pulled out their weapons, but all just stood there as the two scrapped it out on the forest floor. When the women finally broke apart, panting, each group pulled their respective elf back. Eva looked like she was ready for a second go, but Alistair had a firm hold on her arms. An old elf came running up to the two groups, with a guard that must have left to fetch him when the fighting started.

"Enough! Why have you brought this violence to my clan? We have enough troubles without outsiders coming in and starting fights!" his eyes flashed at Eva.

Alistair stepped in before Eva could get them in more trouble, "We are Grey Wardens, and we were attempting to get an audience with your keeper."

"Grey Wardens! Why didn't you tell my guards this as soon as they saw you?" the elder looked confused now, and still a good deal miffed.

This time Eva couldn't be beat, "I would have if the bitch over there hadn't called me a flat eared whore the minute she saw me!"

At this, the old elf looked at his guard sternly, "Is what she says true? Did you indeed call her that?"

The guard didn't look so tough now, as she shifted her weight and hung her head, "I might have said something along those lines," she grumbled, "but I didn't know she was a Grey Warden!"

The old man sighed, "I apologize for my guard here, while I do not condone such open fighting, I understand your reaction, please let us start again. My name is Zathrian; I am the keeper of this clan. I assume you have come about the treaties that were signed centuries ago?"

Eva, having calmed considerably, answered, "Yes, if we could just get your word to honor said treaty, we could be on our way. No need to linger." After their less than warm reception, Eva really wanted this to be a quick visit.

"Ah, well see, that may be a problem," Zathrian started. Of course it is, Eva thought angrily, there is always a problem.

He continued, "Let me explain, we have been being attacked by werewolves for a few weeks now. My men are injured, many dead, without the werewolves taken care of, we simply are in no condition to provide help." He looked at her almost expectantly.

"We'll that's a good reason, we will just be on our way," Eva turned to leave when Alistair stopped her.

"We need the Dalish to help against the Blight."

"But they have a werewolf infestation, what if they spread it?" Eva looked up at him mockingly innocent.

"Come on now. You know we have to help them. Despite us needing them, it's also the right thing to do," Alistair looked at her sternly, but not without kindness in his eyes. Eva knew she was going to give in.

"Fine," with that she turned to the keeper, "well lucky you we happen to be werewolf exterminators. We go in tomorrow. Now if you could oh so kindly point us a nice location, slightly away from your camp, but not in werewolf feeding territory for us to spend the night."

"Oh you can stay in the camp here, we will have tents made up-"

"No. I will help you so you can help us, but I will not spend the evening being subjected to insults and leers."

"Surely, you can't take the action of one of my guards as the feelings of the whole clan," Zathrian said, though just a tad too quickly Alistair noticed.

"I am not stupid. I have heard how the Dalish look down on us city elves. I have no desire to be subjected to it. Now point me in the right direction."

* * *

Eva sat alone by the fire. None of her companions seemed to have the courage to approach her. Their leader was usually amazingly diplomatic, but today she seemed to spit venom. Morrigan didn't particularly care and amused herself with the woods around them. Leliana thought her friend's attitude had something to do with what the guard had said to her. Then she thought about what Alistair had let slip. This man who abused her. She must be an emotional wreck, no wonder she flew off the handle at the insult, Leliana thought. She wished she could go talk to Eva, maybe help her sort out her feelings, but since she wasn't suppose to know, she could do nothing but give Eva the time and space to deal with it on her own.

* * *

"So Zathrian lied to us?" Eva asked the Lady of the Forest. She had just told her that Zathrian started the curse and that all along he knew how to end it, "then we kill him."

"Now wait a moment! If we just waltz in to camp and kill Zathrian, we will have to fight an entire camp of very angry Dalish elves," Alistair tried to reason, really not liking where her train of thought was going.

"So?" Eva was still angry at the way they had treated her. Even this morning, they had glared at her, snickered behind her back, made off handed comments meant to subtly insult her. Honestly, she was just tired of the whole bleeding thing.

"So?! Those elves have nothing to do with this! We cannot massacre an entire clan just because you are angry they looked at you funny!"

Eva's eyes narrowed, she considered hitting him. Hard. But she knew he was right. She knew she would regret massacring the Dalish. That would make her no better than the humans.

"Is there a way to compromise," she finally asked, looking up, "I cannot kill the Dalish, but knowing what I know, I do not desire to kill you either."

"Just bring Zathrian here, we can end this with as little deaths as possible," the spirit answered.

* * *

Back at camp, all collapsed by the fire utterly exhausted. Zathrian was dead, it seemed him dying along with a ritual ended the suffering of those afflicted. Eva again was looking into the fire rather moodily. But this time Alistair was not as prepared to leave her alone.

"I wanted to talk with you," Alistair began.

"I'm not in the mood, can't you go taunt Morrigan or something."

"No. I **need** to talk to **you**."

"Fine," Eva signed irritably, "What do you **need** to talk to me about?"

"You seriously considered massacring a group of innocent elves?"

"I think you know your answer, so why ask me?"

"It seems so unlike you," Alistair replied, concerned.

"You barely know me, how do you know what is like or unlike me. I have killed before," Eva replied darkly.

"Yes, but those men deserved it, those elves-"

Eva interrupted him, her eyes narrowing dangerously, "those elves, what? They are alive are they not? I did not massacre them. Yes, the thought danced through my mind. Yes, I considered it, seriously even. But I did not! I did not massacre them; I didn't touch one hair on any of their perfect little heads! How dare you come to me and reprimand me for something I haven't even done! Am I to be punished for my thoughts as well as my actions? If that is so, then no Maker would keep watch over my soul.

You want justice and happy endings Alistair? The world does not have justice and happy endings. It has suffering, and loss, it has people dying, some of them innocent. I am doing my best. I don't like leading! But I do it, because I have to. And I make the best of it. But you remember this, my eyes do not always look for justice, they look for retribution. It's not right, and it's not always nice, but it has kept me alive for these years. I need you for the other half. But if you are going to come back each time I **almost** didn't do what **you** think is righteous, then you can shove your justice up your ass!" she was screaming, not caring who heard her.

She lost all composure, she was enraged and she didn't give a damn. Without waiting for his reply, she spun around on her heels and marched into the woods, needing to calm down, or cut something in half. Alistair was just left standing there, his mouth hanging up, not quite able to believe what had just occurred.


	12. Chapter 12

"You know, somehow I think our relationship would be better if I simply cut out my tongue," Alistair sighed with defeat, looking at Leliana.

"Hmm, you fight less, but somehow I feel kissing would be much less enjoyable."

Alistair blushed.

"Oh Alistair, go talk to her. Apologize. She will forgive you…eventually," Leliana advised.

"I doubt she wants to talk to me. I think the last I insisted I talk with her was bad enough," Alistair said glumly.

"I would stick with 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm an ass' sorts of things. You are much less likely to go wrong with that." Leliana said while slowly nudging him toward the forest where Eva had taken off.

After wandering for a few minutes in the forest, Alistair was beginning to feel he wouldn't find her if she didn't want to be found. He ended up near a small river, when he finally spotted her. She really likes water, he thought to himself absently. He made crunch noises with his feet as he walked across the forest floor.

"Take one step closer and you might just lose your manly bits," Alistair stopped moving, "Come to reprimand me some more? I told where you can stick that," Eva said menacingly.

"I came to say I'm sorry," quickly thinking of what Leliana told him, "to say that I am an ass."

Eva snorted in agreement, but didn't say anything. Alistair took a step toward her and stopped again, ready to run if she turned her daggers on him. She just continued sitting there, dipping her feet and bare legs in the cool river water.

Alistair continued, "You are right you know, the world is dark and filled with suffering. I guess I just want to bring it some light. To bring you some light." Eva sighed, her head drooped forward, and Alistair could tell she wasn't in a killing mood anymore. He cautiously ventured over and sat down beside her.

"I'm not perfect Alistair. In fact, I am probably one of the farthest things from it. I come with enough baggage to sink a ship," she looked at him, her eyes almost seeming scared, "I'm afraid I can't live up to your expectations of me. I am no noble-hearted knight coming to save Thedas from the powers of evil. I am just me, trying to what I can in a situation I wasn't expecting to find myself in."

For the first time Alistair realized how weary she looked, like moving was a great feat. His heart ached because he knew he had thrust this role on her. But the look in her eyes said something more. She was scared. Scared of so many things, Alistair couldn't even imagine all of them. She was scared of humans, scared of dying, scared of having the others hurt because of her, scared she would lose Alistair due to her past. That much fear can take a toll on even the strongest warrior, and she wasn't a warrior.

All Alistair could say was, "I'm sorry. You haven't let me down. And you're right; I can't hold you to my expectations. But you aren't alone in this. I need to serve some purpose, so I might as well by the whisper in your ear. And I promise, no more yelling at you for 'almost' decisions."

For a while Eva said nothing, and Alistair was beginning to think she wouldn't forgive him, but finally she lifted her head and looked at him with an exhausted expression, "I know you are sorry, I forgive you. But please, promise you won't desert me. Promise you won't turn around and leave the minute I screw up. It's going to happen and I worry you will walk away."

Alistair's heart felt like it was wrenched from his chest. She thought he would leave her. He leaned over and put his arm around her, pulling her against his chest. Eva let him, and they just sat there in heavy silence with only the sounds of the forest around them.

* * *

Eva was worried about Denerim. She didn't know what kind of reception she would get, though she was pretty sure it wasn't an 'all has been forgotten' deal when it came to the Arl's son. A young woman running up to them pulled her from our thoughts.

"Help me please! A group of bandits attacked my family, we need help!" the young woman screamed.

"Calm down. We will be right behind you, just lead the way," Alistair said, jumping on the opportunity to save the day. The woman turned and started running in the direction of which she came.

"You know, I really wasn't planning on being ambushed today, but when does the Maker ever follow my itinerary," Eva sighed.

"Ambushed? She is just a woman trying to save her family from bandits," Alistair countered looking at her confused as if maybe he had missed something.

"And they let the woman go? They just let her run away to get help? The woman," Eva repeated slowly, Alistair's face falling slightly, "then those are the most gentlemanly bandits I have ever seen. And the woman just ran back there on her own, either she is the dumbest female on the face of Ferelden, or this is an ambush," Eva concluded soundly.

"What do we do then?" Leliana piped in.

"We go and get ourselves ambushed. It will be a nice change of pace," Eva laughed darkly.

* * *

Within a few minutes, a dozen assassins lay dead on the ground. Eva took a slightly twisted pleasure in killing the 'innocent female' herself. But now they were looking down on the only living member of the ambush party, a tanned elf with bronze hair. Eva kicked lightly to wake him up.

"Speak. Now. Unless you would like me to snap your neck with my foot," Eva said coldly.

"Ah, well, while being killed by such an enchanting beauty is not the worst way to die, I think I will talk. What do you want to know? I am an Antivian Crow; I was hired to assassinate you by some Loghain fellow. I have failed. Either you kill me, or the Crows will find me and kill me. You are much prettier," the elf looked up at her with a lecherous smile.

"You are hitting on me as I threaten to kill you," Eva asked looking a bit disbelieving.

"Why not? It's not like I have that much to lose."

"If I spare your life, will you swear loyalty to me and my companions," Eva said after a moment. An assassin could be useful, as they weren't always going to just run up and start hitting things, subterfuge could be useful.

"Wait, what!?! You want to take the assassin with us! The assassin, I will say it slower, the ass-ass-in," Alistair couldn't believe his ears.

"Well you can kill him if you want. I am trying this whole, 'the less bloodshed the better' system. It was your influence really," Eva answered, giving him a mischievous smile.

Alistair looked at incredulously, "Oh fine, take the assassin along, but if he puts one toe out of line, he dies."

The assassin looked up at the two wardens observing their exchange, "Well if you will have me, I will swear loyalty to you. My name is Zevran, Zev to my friends. And can I just tell you I am honored to serve such a sex goddess."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, and keep your paws to yourself," Eva said sternly and then turned to continue on their journey.

As much as Alistair hated to admit it, it was rather amusing to have Zevran around, if only because he was able to rile up Morrigan so easily. The tan elf loved to make lewd comments to her about her chest, and when she snapped at him about it, he pointed out that as scantily clad as she was, she should expect some ogling. He then moved on to Wynne, which while disturbing Alistair slightly, also amused him. Zevran was convinced that Wynne's bosom was being held up by magic. Being a woman of advanced age, he couldn't see how her top half remained so perky and buoyant. To think of Wynne this way made Alistair shutter slightly, she was like a grandmother, she darned his socks for Maker's sake! Wynne being who she is however took it all in stride, bantering with Zevran, telling him he would never get the opportunity to know what held her bosoms in such a high state.

Of course, then Zevran moved onto Alistair. Apparently, Zevran did not see anatomy as any reason not to seduce and flirt. Eva smiled to herself as Alistair grew more and more uncomfortable. Zevran was eyeing him like a piece of meat and saying as much. Alistair took back his previous thoughts; the elf was evil and creepy. Of course he didn't quite think leering was a good enough reason to kill the elf, but he would definitely be keeping an eye out for a more serious transgression.

They approached the outskirts of Denerim as night was falling. Instead of trying to enter the city at night, which would actually bring more notice to them, they decided to camp outside of the city until morning. Eva tried her best to rest, knowing that tomorrow would reveal what waited in Denerim for her. It was with these uneasy thoughts that she drifted into a restless sleep.

The next morning the group gathered to discuss how they would handle Denerim. They couldn't very well travel around in a large group of seven, and they had a lot to do, so they decided to split up. Zevran would be sent out alone, to see if he could use his stealth to gain them some more coin. Eva was careful not to outright say 'go steal', but she implied it well enough. Morrigan and Wynne would go and gather any herbs or potions that they needed for themselves. Leliana and Sten were in charge of armor and rations; they were to go into the market and barter for what they needed and sell what they had. That left Alistair and Eva to go and find Genitivi. Everyone clear on their duties, they set out for the city gates.

The city was just as Eva had remembered it, and yet it seemed so foreign to her now. She kept her helmet on, hoping that would hide most of her hair. Bright red was easy to spot and she didn't want to draw attention to herself. As they walked, Alistair grew oddly very quiet.

"What's wrong, Alistair?" Eva asked, looking at him worryingly.

He stopped walking, and then slowly turned to her as if not sure he should say anything, "Well, you see, my mother, the serving girl, she had another daughter, before me. I was told that she lives in Denerim."

"You have a sister! That is wonderful," Eva responded, genuinely happy for him.

"Yes, um, I was hoping maybe we could go find her," he glanced at her sideways as if unsure what her answer would be.

"Let's go right now!" Eva exclaimed, not sure why she felt almost as if she was finding her own family. Could she do that? Go visit the Alienage? Maybe she would try later.

After a few minutes of searching and asking around, they stopped in front of the house that was supposed to be Goldanna's.

"This is it," Alistair said, and without another word from either of them entered the house.

* * *

"That no good two bit hag!" Alistair exploded after coming out of the house. The meeting had not gone well.

"I'm sorry," was all Eva could think to say.

She knew that Alistair wanted a family more than anything in the world. And the only connection he had to his mother, had just thrown them out back to the street. Her heart reached out for him. She calmly stroked his arm and led him to an alley to collect himself without drawing to much attention. He was so angry and hurt he was panting and had a wild look in his eyes. She knew there was nothing she could say or do, so she just stood there silently, never removing the contact of her hand from his arm. Both were so deep in thought and mourning that they never heard the footsteps. They never saw the piece of wood swinging towards their heads, and suddenly, all went black.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: __**WARNING!!!**__ This chapter is very very dark and very graphic. I didn't really intend it to be so gruesome, but it just came out that way, so it is what it is._

----~*~----

When Alistair gained consciousness, the first thing he noticed was the aching of his head. He went to bring his hand up to rub the sore spot in the back, but quickly realized his hands were tied behind his back. Once this registered in his brain his eyes snapped open. He was in a small dingy room, with no windows and very little furniture. There was a door on the far east side of the room opposite him. He was tied tightly to a chair, his legs to the feet and his hands behind the back of the chair. His mouth had been gagged with a dirty rag tied in place. As he scanned the room he noticed three men sitting at a small table watching something intently. He turned his head to see, and his stomach dropped. Eva was in the center of the room, not too far from him, bound with her hands above her head, feet barely skimming the ground. She was still unconscious, and he assumed the men were waiting for her to wake up.

"Look, the other ones awake," one of the gruff men pointed over to where Alistair was tied.

"Oh good, he will get see what happens to naughty little bitches like this one here," gesturing to Eva. Alistair started to panic, and had to take deep breaths, well as deep as he could be gagged, to gain control of himself. I can't help her if I lose my wits, he told himself. Slowly, hoping not to attract the attention of the men, he started pulling on his bindings hoping he could escape. They were tight, damn, he thought, but I have to try anyways.

Eva first felt the ache in her shoulders before that in her head, she was very groggy, and was having trouble recognizing where she was.

"Oh look, the little harlot is awake."

Eva's blood ran cold. She knew that voice, she knew that voice all too well. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, not wanting to see the man she knew to be in front of her, "Egran."

"Aw, the tart remembers me. How sweet. But you've been naughty, haven't you," the man named Egran sneered.

Eva started thrashing at her binding, which only served to please the man more, "Oh yes, swing about my whore, I do enjoy hearing you scream and seeing you squirm." With one swift movement he approached her and stilled her hips. He ran a long pale finger along the edge of her skirted armor, "So you think you are a warrior now do you?" Egran laughed.

He made a nod to the other men in the room who quickly came over, lust full in their eyes, and ripped the skirt off with daggers easily shredding the fabric.

"Ah yes, I remember those scars," Egran mused while running his fingers over her lower abdomen, where several long scares resided; "You know Vaughan didn't know how to handle a little slut like you. I always thought he was too soft on you. I taught him the ropes, if you pardon the pun, on how to put you in your place. Eva's eyes were wide with fear. She never thought to examine the bodies of the men she killed that day. How could she have missed that Egran was not among them?

Alistair, unable to keep quiet, even though it would make his escape more difficult, started making as large of a racket as he could, hoping to draw their attention away from her. The men just looked over and laughed, "Am I imposing on your territory," Egran asked Alistair mockingly, "You know you should learn to share your whores, Vaughan always did."

Eva had also looked over and couldn't prevent a tear from rolling down her face. I don't want him to see this, she thought, I don't want him to know this. At the men's distraction, she freed a leg from the man's grasp and kicked one of them squarely in the groin. He man fell to the floor, almost weeping.

"You bitch! You will pay for hurting one of my men," Egran yelled and viciously ripped her lower small clothes off and roughly shoved two fingers into Eva. She had been unprepared for such a swift attack, and couldn't help crying out in pain at the invasion.

"If you think that is bad, you must have been away from here to long. No my little whore, I will have you screaming for death before I am done with you!" Evan thrust a third finger into her dry nethers, "Remove the rest of her armor boys, we are going to have some fun."

Alistair was frantically pulling on his bindings now. His wrists were bleeding, but he didn't notice. All he could think of was Eva crying out in pain and he knew he had to save her. He shut his eyes tight as he pulled hard on the rope, feeling his skin tearing from him, but they started to give. He relaxed a bit, preparing himself for his next try. He heard new shrieks and renewed his effort double.

"What? You know, it's a little late to get squeamish about blood," he heard Egan say to Eva, and his stomach churned, not wanting to see what was happening. Finally, with one last excruciating pull, his hands came free. He wasted no time ripping the chair from beneath him away and pulling the gag from his mouth.

"I suggest you back away from her right now!" Alistair growled. The two lackeys backed away quickly, frightened that this large warrior was no longer bound. But Egran did not scare so easily.

"What? Did you want a go? I am sure there is a little life left in the bitch. She could be good for another round or two," Egran sneered. Alistair lunged at him with his bare hands knocking him to the ground. He started pummeling his face until the other two men got some of their courage back and tried to gang up on him. But Alistair was in a blind rage, he threw the other men off of him with such force they slammed against the wall. He continued to beat Egran until he was almost unrecognizable. Then he turned to the two goons that were left and systematically started disfiguring them with his fists and feet.

He had just let the last man drop to the floor when the door burst open with the rest of Eva and his companions charging through the door. The sight was ungodly. There was blood everywhere and seemingly from everyone. Three men lie dead on the floor, their faces almost caved in. Alistair stood there, his breath ragged, blood streaming from his wrists to mix with the other men's blood on his hands. Then their eyes turned to the woman hanging from the ceiling. Leliana gasped, grabbed her mouth and ran outside to vomit.

"Oh my!" was all Wynne could say at first, then, "We need to get her down from there. I need to heal her quickly. Eva was covered in her own blood. She had cuts where Egran had sliced his knife basically at various points from her neck to her ankles. Her face was drooped forward, but the bruises that had already started to form lay visible around her eyes and jaw. The heaviest of the bleed came from somewhere south that cause the men, even Sten to look away.

Morrigan and Wynne cut her down and draped a cloak around her naked form. Wynne did enough healing to stop the majority of the bleeding so they could get her out of the city.

Back at camp Wynne directed Sten, who had carried her, to put her in a tent that was set up. The rest of the group could do nothing but sit there, in shock and horror at what had happened. A few times one of them would try to talk to Alistair, but he was inconsolable, beside himself in grief and shame. I failed her, he thought with despair. I told myself no more harm like that would come to her, but it did. I couldn't stop those men from hurting her. There was so much blood on the small frame. Unable to stop the tears from falling and feeling as though he would be sick again, he ran off into the woods to be alone. By the time he came back, Wynne was sitting by the fire.

"Is she-" Alistair couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.

"Physically, she will be fine. As I was healing her, I found many older but similar scares," Wynne looked up at him, hoping he had answers.

Alistair just nodded, knowingly, "she knew that man."

"Well we will stay here for the night and let her rest. Tomorrow, I suggest we move a little farther away from Denerim, but other than that give her several days to recover before continuing our journey. Sten and Zevran can go back to Denerim to find Genitivi's house," Wynne finished, and Alistair looked at her gratefully. He was in no condition to take charge.

"Now you will let me look at those wrists young man," Wynne said as though to distract him, or herself, Alistair wasn't sure who. That night was purely agonizing. Having failed her, he didn't know how he could ever look her in the eye again. I was supposed to protect you, he kept repeating to himself, but I couldn't. He drifted off into a disturbing sleep filled with nightmares and regret.

The next morning dawned with Sten and Zevran leaving early to complete their task, the rest starting to get ready to move the camp a few miles away. When Alistair climbed out of his tent, the first thing he saw was Eva huddled by the fire, looking smaller than ever. Leliana moved beside him as he stared.

"She needs you," Leliana whispered softly.

Alistair choked back his tears and shook his head, "I failed her. How can I ever look her in the eye, knowing that I failed her?"

"You didn't fail her, Alistair. She is alive and the men who hurt dead, because of you."

"I should have escaped faster, or tried harder. I should have heard the men coming up the alley way," the tears fell freely now, down his cheeks.

Leliana placed a soothing hand on Alistair's shoulder, "Shh, you can't think like that. This has been very traumatic for both of you. You will both need time to heal from this. But I think it will be easier if you have each other."

"I just…I just can't," Alistair said sadly and turned to pack up his tent.

Eva had seen Leliana talking to Alistair, but she was too far away to hear them. Alistair looked distraught and then she saw him shake his head and walk away. He must see how ruined I am now, Eva thought, her heart breaking. He doesn't want anything to do with me, I disgust him. Eva grew so cold, even the fire couldn't warm her. She shoved all her emotions deep down inside and tried to become as numb as possible. If he doesn't want me anymore, then I am on my own. The thought caused a part of her heart to die, but she got up and went on, like always.


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Sorry it took so long to update. Parents came in this weekend, so between cleaning the apartment and entertaining them, I had little time to write. _

* * *

With Eva in no condition to lead, Wynne decided that she would make the decisions for the immediate future. And that involved rest. They had moved several miles from the outskirts of Denerim, and Wynne thought it was a safe place for their leader to start to heal. Of course, after the first two days, Wynne was beginning to wonder if it was the physical or the emotional that needed healing more. Eva had spent the last two days curled up in her tent, staring out into nothingness. Every now and then she would break out in sobs that would rack her body until she fell asleep exhausted. Wynne and Leliana were doing their best to comfort her, but it seemed to be having little effect. The entire group was shaken that their leader seemed to be broken. They were use to strong, brave Eva, the woman who made decisions and slaughtered darkspawn. This Eva couldn't stand up and wouldn't talk to people.

Leliana was sitting beside the curled up Eva, patting her hair and trying to sooth her with soft sing song cooing. She had given up trying to start a conversation, and was content to just keep Eva calm. Then a noise she hadn't heard in a few days startled her,

"Where is Alistair?" Eva's voice croaked.

"Hmm?" Leliana replied, not sure she had truly heard Eva speak.

"Where is Alistair? I want Alistair. I have to make him understand." Eva sounded meek and scared and it disturbed Leliana greatly.

"Make him understand what, dear?"

"He is disgusted by the sight of me," a despondent Eva started, "He can't look at my ruined form. But I need to make him understand. I need him. Please, where is Alistair?"

Leliana's heart broke as she heard those words come from her shattered leader's mouth. She thinks he is disgusted by her, Leliana thought. She thinks this is her fault. Damn you, Alistair.

"Hush now. You are not disgusting and this was not your fault. I am going to get Wynne, she can give you something to sleep," and with that Leliana rushed from the tent.

After getting Wynne to give Eva a sleeping draught, Leliana went in search of Alistair. She was furious that he had let Eva think this way. For the last three days everyone had been trying to get Alistair to visit Eva, but he always said he couldn't forgive himself and couldn't look at the woman he failed to protect. This was going to stop now, Leliana thought. She spotted Alistair standing near the river, finishing washing some clothes.

"You selfish, cowardly bastard!"

Alistair looked around startled, and then frowned as he noticed the fuming Leliana running towards him.

"Did you know she blames herself?"

Now Alistair was confused, what was she going on about?

"She thinks this is all her fault. She thinks you won't visit her because she disgusts you now. She is blaming herself. She begs for you Alistair, but you won't go and she thinks she is too ruined for you to give your time to."

"But that isn't the reason. I am the one who failed, tell her that. Tell her I can't see her because I am not worthy," Alistair pleaded.

"No! You do not get to play victim here," Leliana was practically screaming, "You will not let her suffer like this just so you can feel guilty. She needs you, and if you think you failed her before, which you didn't by the way, just imagine how much you are failing her now!"

Alistair hadn't really thought of it that way. He paled a bit and nodded solemnly. Without another word he headed back to the camp, knowing what he had to do.

When Alistair entered her tent, Eva was still fast asleep. Even in her sleep, she looked sad and scared. He cursed himself again, but this time for staying away so long. How could I not have realized that this was hurting her, he thought. What an ass I am. He sat down beside her, knowing he could never leave her side again.

Several hours later, Eva's eyes fluttered open. In her grogginess, she noticed someone was sitting beside her, but she figured it was Leliana or Wynne. She had given up hope of seeing Alistair there. But a musky sent was in the air, and despite herself, she looked up hoping. Her heart nearly stopped, he came.

"I'm sorry," both of them said at once, causing them to look at each other with confusion.

"I failed you. I promised myself nothing bad would happen to you and it did. While I was there. I couldn't forgive myself and didn't think I was worthy to see you," Alistair rushed the words fearing he would lose his nerve.

"But I am the one who's ruined. If I had done something, or said something. I know I must disgust you," Eva looked up at him despondently.

"No! No! No! You don't disgust me, Eva, you never could. Please don't think this is your fault. I can't bear to have you blame yourself for those despicable men's actions," Alistair was almost frantic.

"But I'm ruined! My body is defiled beyond reason. You could never love someone like me!" The tears rolled down her eyes.

Alistair lost all composure and wrapped his arms around her bringing her into him, "but I do love you. I do. I love you more than I ever thought I could love. Never doubt that; never doubt my love for you."

There was such honesty in his voice, Eva felt a calm come over her. He loved her, she thought. He loved her! Maybe this world was worth saving after all. She wasn't healed yet. In fact, the road to her emotional health would be a long and rocky one. But with Alistair, she thought, maybe it was worth the effort.

They spent one more week in camp, at Wynne's insistence. Eva's wounds needed time to heal and magic could only do so much. Walking and fighting could tear her open, and she could bleed to death. During this week, Alistair almost never left her side. He even slept in her tent, though there was nothing inappropriate about it. Eva still didn't sleep well. Between the nightmares that the archdemon provided and the nightmares of flashbacks, Eva woke up screaming more times than not. But Alistair was always there to hold her and calm her. He made sure she felt safe. He let her cry and mourn, he let her rage and scream, he just let her do what she needed. Alistair knew she could not heal her emotional wounds in a week, but he was going to stay by her as long as it took. She was worth it, and he was not going to let her down.

Finally, Eva got the approval from Wynne to start travelling again. Sten and Zevran had discerned the general direction the old monk was travelling in and seemed he was headed for a small town called Haven. So once again the grouped packed up their things and eagerly set off for Haven. They were all looking forward to getting on the road again, having been going a little stir crazy cooped up in camp for so long. Haven was on the other side of Ferelden, up in the mountains. They decided that they would swing up to Orzammar afterwards since they would be in the area. They didn't travel very far each day, because Eva still tired quickly and after a long walk, she was noticeably sore. Every evening, Wynne insisted on making sure her wounds had remained closed and made her taking a healing potion for the pain. Despite her annoyance at being coddled, Eva was happy Wynne was with them. She was sure she would be dead without her.

When the air started to get colder, they knew they were getting close. The path got steeper and the group didn't talk much anymore, as they used their breath to adjust to the thinner air. Patches of snow began to appear and Eva hoped it wouldn't be long now. Of course, had she known what she would find, she might have rethought that statement.

* * *

As Eva sliced through one of the last remaining cultists, she was disturbed by the thought, that this was the most normal she had felt since Denerim. When had killing become normal for her, she wondered. For now, she pushed that thought aside. They had more important things to deal with. Like why a town full of cultists had just tried to kill them. Or better yet, why was there a town full of cultists. And where was Genitivi?

"Hey I found a secret door!" she heard Zev yell. Sure enough, the stone slid back revealing a library of sorts. They heard a groan and immediately rushed in, weapons drawn. The quickly sheathed them when they realized the sound came from an old man with a mangled foot.

"You must be Genitivi?" Eva asked.

"I am indeed. Have you come to kill me or save me?"

"For now we will go with saving you," Eva retorted.

"I think that is the better of the two options myself," the old man laughed.

After healing his foot the best Wynne could, they helped him up and asked him about the Urn of Sacred Ashes. He had overheard the cultists talk about a temple that had a guardian that wouldn't let them access the ashes. The key to the temple was an amulet the priest wore around his neck.

"Well we were planning on looting the bodies anyways. Bring the priest's amulet to Genitivi," Eva announced to everyone.

They decided they would spend the night in the chantry and then head to the temple in the morning. After all the bodies were looted and removed from the chantry, they settled down for the evening, Wynne taking care of any wounds and Leliana cooking dinner. Alistair was a little nervous as night fall came. Since they were sleeping indoors, there was no need for tents, but that made things less private. Even though everyone knew he slept in Eva's tent, it still felt awkward to hold her in the open while they slept. He would have to be content to simply placing his bedroll near hers. Maker, I hope she doesn't have too bad of nightmares tonight, he prayed. It seemed Eva was thinking along the same lines, because she also laid her bedroll near his but not too close and certainly not touching. Alistair could also see the nervous look in her eyes and knew she was worrying about her nightmares as well.

She was quiet that evening, though this had become the norm for her. Most of her companions left her alone, mostly because they didn't know what to say to her. What did you say to someone who had been through something like they had seen? No one except Alistair and Eva knew exactly what happened in the warehouse, but just seeing the end results when they burst through the door was enough for most of the group. Leliana felt that if Eva talked about it, it would help her heal, but did not push her friend too far too fast. She had to talk on her own time.

In the middle of the night, Alistair awoke to the common sound of Eva whimpering. He knew that she was having a nightmare, but it hadn't gotten too bad yet. He considered letting her sleep and simply hoping the dream wouldn't get out of control. Then he changed his mind and crawled quietly over to her. He ran his fingers through her hair, trying to calm her in the dream. She was still thrashing lightly, so he eased a hand to her shoulder and gently shook. Her eyes opened suddenly and she nearly jumped up, but Alistair was there to stop her.

"Shhhh, you are just having a nightmare, it's ok," he whispered soothingly, still stroking her hair.

She clung to him fiercely, "don't leave me," her voice was full of fear.

"Ok, shhh, I won't leave, just lay down," well so much for being proper, to hell with them, he thought as he laid down next to her, cradling her small body in his arms. This felt right, he thought, being here with her. If he couldn't protect her always in real life at least he could try to protect her from her nightmares. With that thought the two of them drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	15. Chapter 15

"Before I let you pass, I ask a question of you," the Guardian continued, "Eva, there is much pain and suffering in your past. When you found Shianni, she was brutalized and broken. You were too late. Do feel you failed her?"

Eva's knees grew weak. She was not expecting that. After fighting her way through this blasted temple to find she had to go through a gauntlet, and now this man dares to ask her that. Of course she failed Shianni. She could never forgive herself for that. All those years of abuse had been to protect her and in the end they were for nothing. The tears rolled down her face as she pictured the scene of Shianni lying on the floor, her skirt hiked up, crying, with those evil shems standing over her, laughing.

"Yes, I failed her," was all she could croak out, the tears falling freely to the floor. She didn't hear what the Guardian was asking the others. She just wanted to get this over with; she wanted to be out of here.

The first chamber was filled with riddle telling ghosts. Wonderful. Luckily, Alistair seemed to be naturally good at riddles, though Eva would not have guessed it. The large doors at the end of the hall opened. As they walked through it, a small elf with red hair stood before them. This time Eva's knees gave out and she collapsed to them.

"Shianni"

"Have you forgotten about your people, cousin? We still live in squalor because of the shems," this spirit Shianni spoke.

"Of course not! I have never forgotten where I came from. I am trying to save you as well," Eva cried out, nearly sobbing.

The spirit's face softened, "I know you haven't. You must not blame yourself for what happened that day. You did the best you could. You saved me from a worse fate. Do be so hard on yourself," and with that the spirit disappeared. Eva felt a sort of relief wash over her as though these spirit's words lifted some of the guilt from her soul. She got up and stood up taller than she had in weeks. Her companions noticed this and took heart that their leader was returning to them.

After fighting themselves in ghost form they came to a room that was divided by a wall of fire. Before them stood an altar. Upon reading the altar, Leliana turned to them, "We must remove our clothing to get across the fire," she stated calmly.

The others just stared at her for a moment.

"Well why not?" Eva remarked sarcastically, "I mean is anything really strange at this point."

Hesitantly, her and her companions started to remove their armor. It was a bit awkward as none of them were all that close, but considering everything they had been through, it was bearable. Eva just looked straight ahead, pretending she was the only one in the room. Which didn't last very long, as Zevran suddenly remarked,

"My dear, your many scars do not distract from your endless beauty."

Alistair growled and Wynne gave a look of death, that Eva was not required to retort before the male elf coward slightly. As soon as they had passed through the fire, Eva was one of the first to scramble to redress.

* * *

Eva was panting furiously, "Let's hit the gong, he says, just want to see what it does, he says, could bring treasure, he says. Alistair, remind me to never let you say anything again!"

"How was I supposed to know it was going to bring a big angry dragon?" Alistair protested.

"Because we were in a village of dragon cultists, because we found eggs in the cave, because we have that much bloody luck!" Eva was incredibly miffed and tired.

Alistair could only shrug and give a sheepish smile, "Well it did bring treasure," he said, holding up some shiny trinkets the dragon had been hording.

"Argh! Fine, but when we get back to camp, you owe me a massage, my muscles were not ready for this much exertion," Eva gave in.

Alistair's sheepish smile turned into a genuine ear to ear grin, "I think that is a fair trade."

"I don't know if 'fair' covers it, but it's a start."

Not much was said as they headed back to where the old monk had decided to stay. He was overjoyed at the ashes, but Eva didn't care all that much. Tonight they would rest, and then tomorrow they would make for Orzammar which appeared to be a half a day's journey.

* * *

"You know, I am not really looking forward to being underground for so long," Alistair thought out loud as they neared the gates of Orzammar.

"At least it should be warmer, right? I mean it's near lava," Eva replied dryly. It's not that she really wanted to be underground, but a change of pace couldn't hurt. And she was right, it would be warmer. They were full in the mountains now, snow was everywhere and it was downright freezing. Besides, they weren't going to be there long. They just had to convince the king to honor the treaty.

The guard at the entrance halted them as they neared.

"Orzammar is closed to outsiders."

"For the love of the Maker, why?" Eva asked exasperatedly.

"The Assembly is trying to decide a new king. Until then, it is not safe for outsiders," the guard stated gravely.

"You don't have a king," Eva wasn't asking, but rather repeating disbelievingly, "of course you don't have a king. Why would you have a king? Well, regardless, we are Grey Wardens and we have treaties we want honored."

"Grey Wardens? Well that is a serious matter. You may enter, but I warn you, the Assembly is not likely to help until there is a king on the throne."

Entering Orzammar was quite a sight for Eva. Having never really left the Alienage before this trek, she had never seen such a structure. The halls of Orzammar were quite larger than she expected. Beside from a lack of sunlight, she did not really notice she was in a cave.

They quickly realized that the city was divided between two men both vying for the thrown, the dead king's son, and his advisor. No one was willing to talk to them about the treaties, and eventually Eva just gave up for the evening.

"I formally give my vote for the bar," Eva said, wearily.

"You want to go get drunk?" Alistair almost couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Do you have a better plan?"

He didn't, so off they went to the tavern. Eva assured him that they would resume their search for solution tomorrow, but they deserved to relax. She called over the bar wench and ordered a round of their best ale for her and her companions. Several rounds later, the whole group looked a lot giddier. It was nice to see everyone in this state, as they had all been solemn for too long. Their leader was especially jubilant. She was busy whispering something into Alistair's ear, making him turn a vibrant shade of red, before falling off her stool.

"I do believe it is time for bed," Wynne announced in her grandmotherly way, though maybe with a slight slur. They managed to purchase some rooms for the night, and were assured the beds would be large enough for humans and elves. Alistair took the responsibility of escorting Eva to her room. The others looked knowingly at each other, but said nothing. The two Wardens had grown increasingly closer as the time had gone on, and everyone had noticed the look in their eyes when they thought no one was around.

They both collapsed into the room, laughing at something Eva had said that neither of them remembered. Eva started stripping off her armor and tunics when Alistair grabbed her arm.

"My lady, where has your modesty gone?" his cheeks very pink.

"I believe I left it downstairs, but where sir, has your chivalry gone?" and motioned with her hand for him to face away.

Alistair headed her command and faced the wall. He heard some stumbling and some giggling, but finally she placed her hand on his shoulder to turn him to face her. Before he could say anything, her lips where over his. He was not expecting this assault, but was in no state to resist it. She gently pried his mouth open as she swiped her tongue over his. As she explored his mouth, her hands began to wander over his back and his arms. Whenever they had kissed before, their hands had stayed at their heads or shoulders, but now Eva was growing bold. She moved her hands over his chest, feeling his strong muscles contract at the sensation. He moaned as his own hands began to explore her neck and back.

Without knowing quite how, they landed on the bed and continued their onslaught of each other's mouths. The alcohol must have been going to his head, Alistair thought, as he moved his lips to cover her delicate neck. The moan she made when he did that nearly drove him crazy. His hands came to rest on her small waist as he continued to suck the hollow of her throat. Their bodies where so close now, he could feel the heat of her body. His own arousal was visible through the fabric of his trousers. Her hands started roaming underneath his shirt, teasing at his sensitive nipples, when he finally pulled away panting. She looked at him questioningly, though through bleary eyes.

"I don't think either of us is ready for this," Alistair forced himself to say, panting, "on top of the fact that we are both drunk. This isn't the right time," then he added quickly as he saw her face fall, "but I promise, the time will come."

She nodded in reluctant understanding. Eva knew she wasn't ready for something like what might have happened if they continued. No matter how good it was feeling at the moment. She felt so lucky to have found a man who seemed to know that. He easily could have taken advantage of the moment. Then she realized he had used the word 'us'. He wasn't ready either, she thought. He kissed her gently on the lips, and then slowly climbed off the bed. With some effort, due to the alcohol and his aroused state, he managed to walk out of the room, leaving Eva to her thoughts. They hadn't slept apart in weeks, but Eva knew, tonight, they could not trust themselves to sleep in the same bed. She smiled to herself as she began to drift off. She did not fear the nightmares tonight. Not when Alistair had given her a very different type of moment to dwell on.


	16. Chapter 16

_**A/N:** Ugh. I had a hard time writing this chapter and don't really like it, but knew that if I didn't post it I would never get on to the stuff I want to write. R/R always welcomed_.

* * *

When Eva finally opened her eyes again, she was never happier that they were underground. Sunlight might have just finished her off. A groan escaped her mouth as she sat up in the bed. Then she noticed on the side table a small bottle with a note that read, _'Drink this. You will feel better, I promise, Love Wynne'_. Eva hurriedly gulped down the potion and instantly felt her headache subside. I need to buy that woman an amazing present, she thought as she got to her feet. She finished dressing and decided to head down to the tavern to see if the others were there. Wynne was sitting at the table with Leliana.

"Ah, I see you found the potion this morning," Wynne greeted her with a knowing smile.

"Uh, yeah, thanks," Eva mumbled as she sat down heavily in the chair. Some of the hangover was still there, even though it was tolerable now.

"Here," Wynne was handing her a plate of something Eva didn't recognize, "eat something."

"Um…what is that something," Eva looked at the plate suspiciously.

"You know, when it comes to Dwarven cooking, sometimes it's best not to ask. But it tastes ok," Leliana interjected, chewing on what Eva thought looked like some sort of meat.

Despite her revulsion, Eva knew she needed to eat so she closed her eyes and reached for the plate. Leliana was wrong, the taste was horrendous, she thought as she ate. And the extra chewy texture wasn't the most pleasant. By the time she had finished eating, the others had joined them at the table, ready to talk strategy,

So far Eva had been riding the fence as to picking a candidate for the thrown. She knew Grey Wardens were not supposed to get involved in politics. But these damned dwarves were making it mighty difficult.

"Well who do we choose, since it doesn't seem like we will be able to get our armies without putting a king on the throne," Alistair asked, the annoyance at the situation sounding clear in his voice.

Wynne piped in, "Well Harrowmont is more just than Behlen, so maybe we should side with him. Behlen seems like the sneaky backstabbing type," then she looked over at Eva and Zev, the two rogues staring at her with eyebrows raised, "no offense of course."

"Dwarven politics do not seem to be built on justness. No, I think the more devious will do the better job," Eva started and then added quickly before the protests could start, "I am not saying that would be the best choice on the surface, but here, that might just work. We will 'support' Behlen."

The finality in her last statement let the others know the decision was made. As she looked around the table she observed the reactions of her group. Alistair and Leliana did not look happy at picking the man who had probably killed his brothers. Zevran and Sten seemed to approve of her logic. Wynne was indecipherable, and Morrigan just looked annoyed that they were doing this at all. She knew she couldn't make everyone happy, she just hoped that in the end her decision was the right one.

* * *

"You know, if I was more devious, I could make quite a profit cleaning up other people's messes," Eva pondered out loud, having just killed most of the Carta members including Jarvia.

"Aha my dear friend, now do you understand why the Assassins life can hold such appeal?" Zevran asked her with a twinkle in his eye.

"Yes, I think I am beginning to understand that."

Alistair, not liking the nature of the conversation, interjected, "Well don't understand it too much. We are just trying to get the aid we need, we are not here to only make a profit."

"A profit on the side never hurt," was all Eva could say as she started making her way out of the tunnels.

Behlen was quite pleased to hear he was getting credit for the nuisance of the Carta being destroyed. Of course, despite the previous two tasks Eva had done for him, he still had one more. Eva was getting frustrated at all of his demands, but seeing as she had little choice, she listened. He was telling them to go into the Deep Roads and find a paragon named Branka who could pick a king. The Assembly would _**have**_ to listen to a Paragon.

What was supposed to be a day or two in Orzammar was turning into a week or more. Eva was worried that she made the wrong choice by coming here before bringing the ashes to the Arl. She hoped that her detour wouldn't cost him his life. But she had no time to worry about that as she headed towards the entrance to the Deep Roads.

Before they had a chance to enter, a rather drunk but still fierce dwarf stepped in their path. His name was Oghren and as Branka had been his wife, he was coming with them. Figuring he wouldn't take no for an answer, Eva welcomed the dwarf wearily into their group. She had a feeling she might regret it as he belched his thanks.

* * *

Eva decided the Deep Roads where the most miserable place in all of Ferelden, and by now she had seen quite a bit of it. It was dark, damp, and filled with darkspawn. All of this made Eva a rather grumpy elf. No one said much as they traveled through what seemed to be endless tunnels. Since there was no sun to tell them what time it was, they settled on camping when they were too tired to keep walking.

The two wardens had been slightly awkward in regards to one another for several days now. They both remembered that drunken night and were feeling a little embarrassed by it. The others in the group couldn't get either to say what happened, but they all knew something did happen. Alistair had been meaning to talk to Eva about it, at least that is what he was telling himself. There just hadn't been a good time. Well, maybe there were a few times, but what would he say?

"Um, hi?" Alistair stumbled as he tried to talk to her. Come on, he thought, this is Eva, I shouldn't be nervous.

"When did 'hi' become a question," Eva answered still staring into the fire.

He couldn't tell if she was joking or not. Is she mad at me, he wondered? Is she angry that I stopped that night? That I went as far as I did? I mean, she was ready to remove my shirt, I hardly think it is all my fault.

"Sorry," Eva continued abruptly, "I am just tired of these caves and tunnels. I mean I feel like we have been down here for weeks, and I know it's only been a few days. At this point though, I just want to find Branka and get the hell out of here," her voice sounded tired, Alistair noticed.

"Yeah, me too. This Branka woman better be worth it," Alistair knew he was avoiding what he came over to talk about, but at the moment he was just enjoying pretending like everything was normal.

"Thanking you for stopping us."

So much for pretending.

"Uh, well, I thought it was best."

"Yeah, it was. I just got carried away. No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel. You being a human is extra weird. I wonder what my family would think…" her voice faded as she looked into the fire, a faraway look in her eyes.

"We never got to see them last time."

"I don't if I will ever see them, or if I want to. What will they think of what I have become?" Eva's voiced echoed her anxiety.

"I think they would be proud of you," Alistair said, meaning every word, "You are a Grey Warden. You are saving Ferelden from unending evil. You are strong and brave and able to face anything this world throws at you. What is there not to be proud of?"

"I'm helping mostly humans. When the humans are safe, they will still treat my people like shit. On top of that, I am in love with you. Even if they could understand saving Ferelden, how could I ask them to understand that?" She had tears in her eyes.

"I think you underestimate your family," he gently put a finger under her chin and lifted her head to look at him, "I think they will love you no matter what." He gently leaned forward and laid a sweet and gentle kiss on her quivering lips. She had no response and he knew she was worried regardless of what he said or whether she would see them again. Her head fell gently against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her. In silence, they sat, holding each other, together but lost in their own thoughts.


	17. Chapter 17

Branka was a bitch. And that was an understatement. Eva could not believe that this woman standing before her was supposed to be some sort of living ancestor. She looked more like a raving lunatic to her. Finding Branka had been quite a struggle. It seemed that she had left quite a path of destruction and betrayal in her wake. Finding Hespeth had been the saddest event. This had been Branka's lover, for Maker's sake! And even she could not escape to cruel paragon. Her chilling chant echoing long after she ran off into the darkness. Then there was the Brood Mother. Another one of Branka's followers who had been handed to the darkspawn in this silly quest. Now they were being forced through another maze filled with big and nasties all just to please this insane woman.

"You know, I think I might have found a race that annoys me more than shems," Eva thought out loud as they slayed yet another group of venomous spiders.

Finally, they broke through into a large cavern. Mysteriously, Branka appeared behind them just in time to see the Anvil of the Void_. Funny_ _how she shows up when the fighting is done_, Eva mused caustically.

"Stop!" a large voice boomed from somewhere in the dark, "You must not come any farther. Please turn around and leave this area in peace!"

A large golem, much bigger than the ones they had fought emerged from the shadows.

"You cannot be serious! Do you know how bloody hard it was to even get here? Now you want me to just turn around and go home! Take the Anvil!" Branka shouted manically.

"The Anvil must be destroyed; it is a tool of evil. I regret the day I ever invented it."

This made the group do a double take, which led the golem to explain he was Caridin, the paragon, who had invented a way to make golems, only to be turned into one himself. As it turns out, golems are made with people, enslaved to be fighters. This horrified Eva. Her people lived as not much better than slaves and knew that was no life to impose upon people.

"We will destroy the Anvil," Eva stated resolutely.

"What!! No! I will not let some pointy eared bitch ruin everything I have worked for!" Branka screamed.

"Everything _**you**_ have worked for? **You** haven't worked for anything! You just threw the very people who trusted you most, who loved you for Maker's sake, to their death, whenever it was convenient for you!" Eva screamed right back at her.

"Sacrifices had to be made. You should know that as a leader. I did what was necessary!"

"As a leader I know that I would try to protect my group, not sacrifice them. Was it necessary to betray Hespeth? You didn't act as a leader; you acted as a ruthless coward, destroying everything near you for a corrupt goal! Do not talk to **me** about sacrifices!" Eva was red in the face with rage, but she turned to Caridin, "We will destroy the Anvil."

"Over my dead body! Golems attack!" Branka was waving a control over her head. Much to Eva's horror, six large golems started moving in on her and her companions.

The battle was long, hard, and bloody, but in the end the six golems and one crazy dwarf named Branka lay unmoving on the ground. Caridin agreed to make a crown for the new king, and as he did, Wynne moved around healing the battered group.

Eva felt bad as she watched Ogrhen just sit on a stone and stare at his former wife's corpse. Even though she left him and took the entire house on a suicide journey, he still loved her and he was mourning her death. She would have tried to comfort him, but she hadn't known him very long and wasn't sure what dwarven customs would apply here. So she left him to his mourning and the bottle he always seemed to be drinking from.

Having acquired the crown and destroyed the Anvil, the group started heading back towards Orzammar. Even just wanted to give the crown, get her treaty honored and be back to the surface. Even if it was colder up there, at least there was sky and fresh air. All of her companions except the dwarf seemed to have the same feeling as they quickened their pace. They camped once more in the Deep Roads before entering back into Orzammar. Eva marched straight to the Assembly Chamber. The Assembly was a little shocked to see this small elf march straight to the center and hold the crown over her head.

"The paragon Caridin crafted this crown for the new king. He was trapped in the body of a golem. The new king is Behlen. Any questions?" Eva stared around the room, daring someone to challenge her. The Assembly leader examined the crown and verified its authenticity. Behlen promised his troops and Eva made a beeline for the door.

The outside was just as cold as when they entered Orzammar, but Eva didn't care. She was so elated to be out of that underground city. The dwarf it seemed was coming with them. Eva didn't have the heart to turn him down. He had lost just about everything he cared for in that city. Other than the facts that sky was freaking him out and he was getting increasingly drunk as they walked, he seemed to be doing ok. Finally, after putting enough distance between Eva and the dwarven city, she felt it was time to set up camp. They were all exhausted, but knew there would be very little time to rest until they were back in Redcliffe.

------~*~--------

Alistair watched her sitting by the fire. When they had gone into the Deep Roads, they resumed their habit of sleeping in the same tent. Being so close to the hoard may both of their dreams less than pleasant. But he knew Eva had other nightmares too. He could tell by the way she cried out in her sleep. On the outside, she looked almost like her old self. She joked with the others, fought with precision and deadliness, walked tall for long hours on end. But she was still suffering in her dreams, _and probably in her thoughts_, he added to himself. No one had made Eva talk about what had happened. They figured she would talk when she was ready, but she avoided the subject at all costs. As Alistair paced back and forth, he knew he needed to get her to talk about it. But how? This was the dilemma that kept him pacing, staring at her, but not moving to talk to her. Finally, he figured he just had to jump in and hope she wouldn't stab him in the throat.

He walked over to her and sat down on the same log facing the fire. Her thoughts seemed far away and troubled.

"Who's Egran?" Alistair asked. Eva flinched and her body gave a slight shiver.

"Please don't. This isn't necessary. I am fine," Eva said, though with not much conviction.

"No, you are not. I hear you in your sleep. The nightmares are getting worse."

"You were having nightmares too," she insisted, stubbornly, "I mean you said that the nightmares are worse during a blight."

"I am not talking about those nightmares. Please Eva, please talk to me," Alistair's eyes pleaded as much as his voice and when she looked at him she knew she would tell him.

Eva sighed, but said nothing else for a long time. Alistair was beginning to wonder if she would actually talk to him about this, when suddenly she spoke.

"You know, I never checked the bodies."

Thinking she was changing the subject, he just looked at her confused.

"Of the men I killed that day, in Vaughan's room, I never checked their bodies to see who they were. I just wanted to get Shianni out of there. It was stupid. I should have checked the bodies."

Alistair, still confused, though at least happy that she was talking asked, "Why?"

"Because then I would have known Egran wasn't among them. I would have known to be extra careful. I can't believe I assumed he was dead," then looking straight into Alistair's eyes, she continued, "Vaughan was the first, he was the one to take an 'interest' in me, but his mind wasn't beyond the mere Neanderthal kidnap and rape. No, he wasn't devious enough for all the torture I was subjected to. That was all Egran. Egran was a despicable man who had a twisted love of torture. Since noble women could not be subjected to such deviance, Egran had to look elsewhere. As Vaughan grew bolder, he wanted to show me off to his friends. Well one of his friends happened to be Egran. He quickly bored with just passing me around. So, he suggested he teach Vaughan how you really treat an elf whore. That's when things really started getting bad. I don't know why I assumed he was dead. I should have known that if he lived he would exact revenge for his fallen friend. The whole thing just happened so fast…" Eva stopped, seemingly lost in her self-deprecating thoughts.

"It wasn't your fault," Alistair said, firmly yet kindly.

"It was my job to make sure everything would be ok. I should have checked the bodies…"

"Eva," Alistair looked straight at her, "Eva look at me. It wasn't your fault. You were concerned for your friends and making sure everyone got out ok. You wouldn't have had time to check the bodies." He needed to get her to see reason.

Eva's eyes were welling up. She didn't want to think about this anymore. It hurt too much to think about it. "So much blood," was all she whispered thinking about how Shianni said it, and how she thought it in that warehouse before the others burst in. _Why is there always so much blood_, she couldn't help but think.

"Eva, it's over now. Vaughan is dead, Egran is dead, they are all dead. They won't hurt you anymore. But you will hurt yourself if you don't talk about this. The nightmares will haunt you. Please, I love you. I want to help, we all want to help."

She nodded as she sniffled and tried to dry her tears. Eva knew he was right, but how do you begin talking about something like that. You can't just bring it up over dinner, _hey guys, wanna hear how I was raped and tortured, lovely stew isn't it?_ She chuckled darkly to herself over that. But for now she was tired, she had talked enough for the night. Slowly, she got to her feet and headed toward the tent to get some sleep. Maybe Alistair was right; maybe talking about it meant the nightmares wouldn't come tonight. She very much hoped so. Tomorrow they would be at Redcliffe. Hopefully, these ashes would cure the Arl who would give an army to support the Wardens. Then she would have gotten everyone. Then they would be ready. Or at least she hoped so.


	18. Chapter 18

_**A/N:**__ Smut ahead! Finally._

There was to be a celebration. The Arl had recovered and insisted on throwing a grand banquet for the wardens and their companions. Once again they were staying at the castle for a few nights, to rest and relax before hitting the road again. Leliana, perhaps, was the most excited, because it meant she got to dress everyone up in fancy clothing. She was all aglow, exclaiming how this was just like Orlais; her voice almost sing-song. No one, not even Morrigan, was able to escape from the bard's preening. In the end, the whole group looked like an assortment of nobles, give or take a few sneers and pointy ears.

This time Eva was in a flowing green dress with gold brocade down the front. It was completely off the shoulder and wrapped rather tightly around her midsection, giving her hips volume and a very noticeable top half. Her hair was upswept in some fancy arrangement that Leliana had insisted upon. Anyone could tell that Eva was not the most comfortable person in such an ensemble, but she grinned and bore it.

Alistair was waiting in the dining hall for his other companions to arrive, talking with Bann Teagan about various childhood memories. Slowly, Zevran, Sten, Wynne, Oghren, and even Morrigan filtered in, all in various states of elegance and silk. Finally, Leliana came in, a slightly miffed look about her.

"She doesn't want to come in," Leliana pouted.

"Who?" Wynne asked, not knowing to whom she was referring.

"Eva! She is all 'but I don't like wearing a dress' and won't come in."

Wynne chuckled as she imagined the stubborn Eva standing in the hall, arms crossed, "Well, you did pick a rather revealing dress for the poor girl."

"But she looks radiant! Please help me," and Alistair watched Wynne follow Leliana out into the hall.

After was seemed like forever, the door opened again, this time Eva walked through it, looking thoroughly put out. Alistair's breath caught in his throat. _She's gorgeous_, he thought, _she's the most beautiful creature I have ever seen, Maker's breath_. She blushed under his stare, and quickly made her way to her seat.

The dinner was a grand affair, if you liked such things. Leliana and Zevran were having the best time, drinking, dancing, and giggling stories to each other over more wine than was probably healthy. Sten looked annoyed but stoic nonetheless. Eva was fidgety, but when the conversation between her, Alistair, and Arl Eamon turned to strategy, she calmed down a bit. _At least this is something I am familiar with_, she thought.

"So it stands that Alistair should be put forth as heir to the throne. I will call the Landsmeet…" Arl Eamon was saying.

"Wait, king! I don't want to be king. Don't I get a say in this?" Alistair protested, looking slightly sick to his stomach.

"You are the best hope we have to unite Ferelden. We did not fight the Orlesians and restore our bloodline just to have it lost again. Warden," he looked over at Eva, "I am sure you will support my decision?"

An indescribable look passed over Eva's face as she sat quietly for a moment, "I…I will take it into consideration, but at this time I cannot guarantee my support."

"But surely you understand the importance of the blood line…" the Arl was about to continue.

"I am an elf if you have forgotten," Eva started tersely, "Shemlen bloodlines mean very little to me. Most nobles treat elves the same anyways. And while Alistair may feel differently toward my people, he would not be able, I think, to convince most, if any, of the nobles to change their views thereby tying his hands to current policies. But, I will consider supporting your proposal, but I need time, do not push me sir."

"Of course my lady," was all the Arl could manage to say.

The dinner continued without any other event or issue. Alistair couldn't really concentrate on his surroundings because he was transfixed on Eva. He even thought it was cute the way she fidgeted with the edge of her sleeves, obviously wanting to be somewhere else. The dinner was winding down with guests wandering off to their respective rooms.

Eva sat down on her bed, still fully dressed in, what she considered, her ridiculous outfit. Her brow was deeply knitted as she contemplated the dinner's discussion.

Alistair as king. He didn't want to be king, she was pretty sure of that. But the only alternative was this Anora woman. She had never met Anora. Would she be better or worse than Alistair? Can I give Alistair up? That was the real question on her mind. She wasn't stupid. She knew that if Alistair became king, she would have to be out of the picture. Even if she stayed on the side, she would eventually be known as his elven whore, and she couldn't bring herself to bare that title. She wanted to keep him. Let me meet this Anora. If she is competent then maybe I don't have to make Alistair king.

Her thoughts were abruptly interrupted by a knock on the door. She stood up to answer and was only mildly surprised to see Alistair standing there. Without saying a single word, Alistair pulled her into his arms and covered her lips with his.

With what little breath Eva had left she looked up at Alistair and said, "I think you better come inside before the servants start talking," and with that pulled him into the room and shut the door.

They continued kissing with great fervor as they tumbled backwards to the bed. Eva felt a little like déjà vu, but with much less fuzziness in her head.

"I could barely think straight, seeing you in that dress all night," Alistair whispered into her ear, his voice husky.

"Hmm, maybe this dress isn't so bad after all," Eva mused lightheartedly.

The kissing continued with increasing passion, their hand roaming over each other with eagerness. Alistair was the first to lose a piece of clothing as Eva lifted his shirt over his head. Her eyes filled with lust as she started stroking his taut chest. Alistair let out a low moan as she glided teasingly over his nipples. His hands started running up her thighs, pushing her dress higher as he roamed her sweating body. Eva, feeling like the dress was smothering her at this point, started untying the ribbons holding the dress so tight. She moved to stand up briefly, moving the dress down her small frame. Alistair's arousal grew even more as he watched the silk slide down her body and collect in a pool around her feet on the floor. She moved back onto the bed on her knees, and started capturing his mouth again. Each of them was reveling in the feeling of skin beneath them.

Without quite knowing how, Eva was on her back with Alistair hovering over her. She could feel his manhood throbbing against her thigh. Slowly, she removed her chest binding causing Alistair to gasp as her breasts were revealed to him. With great caution he began to roam his hands lightly over her nipples causing a moan to escape her lips. The noises coming from her mouth made him bold as he lowered his head and took her left nipple gently between his lips. Her back arched as he lightly sucked on her erect nipple. Eva clasped her hands around Alistair's back, wanting more and more contact from him. But Alistair pulled away and looked at her seriously.

"I don't want to push you. Is this really what you want?" his voice full of lust, but still carrying great concern.

Eva bit her lip in thought. Did she want to go this far with him? Was she ready? It didn't take her long to come up with an answer as the fire of passion in her was screaming yes. She nodded.

"You know I've never…" Alistair was fumbling over his words, but Eva brought a finger to his swollen lips.

"This is a first for both of us," Alistair didn't have to ask what she meant by that. He knew this would the first time she was ever willingly in this position and that made his heart fill with joy. He was determined she would not confuse tonight with those other ones; this night would be filled with pleasure not pain.

With shaking, but firm hands, Alistair hooked his thumbs around her small clothes and slid them slowly down her body. Then he paused, looking at the completely naked Eva laying there before him. Her beauty hit him like rolling waves, each time stronger than the last. He traced the scars on her abdomen followed by his lips as though he was kissing away the pain. She just moaned at the feeling of him kissing her belly and legs and…

Eva tensed slightly when she felt Alistair part her legs. He wanted to see all of her, but she was afraid of what he would think. Her scars were not exclusively external and she didn't want him to be turned off by the obvious use and abuse of her southern region. Her fears were quickly alleviated when she heard him whisper in awe,

"Maker's breathe but you are beautiful!"

That one sentence erased all tension from her quivering form as she relaxed into his touch. Suddenly she felt his mouth breathing hot between her legs. She couldn't hold back a moan as he tenderly began to kiss and lick her. She felt a strange sensation building in her lower abdomen. But before she could feel the sensation grow, he was moving up her body, kissing her stomach, her chest, each breast, neck, and finally her mouth again. Somehow, she managed to relieve him of his small clothes. His erection was pressed firmly against her belly as they grinded into one another, gasping and moaning.

She looked up at him through hooded eyes, "I need you."

Alistair positioned himself at her entrance, pausing to look at her again. All she could do was nod and he started to enter her. Again Eva arched her back as she felt him fill her. This was so different from any other time, she thought. This is so much better. As he began to move she felt that sensation building again, that she had felt earlier. Never in her life had she felt this and she wasn't sure what was happening. It wasn't unpleasant that was for sure, and it got better as it grew. Alistair began pumping his manhood faster and faster and her moans started getting louder and louder. All of a sudden, Eva's eyes shot open wide as the most pleasurable sensation she had ever known spread like fire from her center outward to her entire body. She screamed his name as her body clenched him inside of her. That was too much for Alistair and he soon followed her, releasing his seed deep inside her.

Panting and sweaty, Alistair collapsed to the side of her, not wanting to squish her. Eva was in a daze, still feeling the after effects of her orgasm ripple through her. Finally, she noticed Alistair staring at her and she turned on her side to face him.

"I never knew…I never knew it could be like that," Eva stuttered, "That was amazing, like a spiritual experience.

Alistair chuckled kindly, "I think I know what you mean. I love you, Eva," he kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her as she curled herself into him. Exhausted, both fell asleep rather quickly, not even remembering that they were in a castle and not their tent. Someone would be disapproving in the morning at such flagrant impropriety. Neither of them cared.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Ok I hoped to have the story done by now, but I'm not even close. This is an uber short chapter but it was more my show of faith that I have abandoned it yet. I'm sorry that I haven't updated in forever, but life gets in the way. But I promise I will try. What might happen are these really short chapters that at least get updated often. I figure it is better than me getting overwhelmed and not putting anything up. Please please please review. I almost had given up when a late review revived my interest in finishing. So always looking for input. Well enjoy this micro chapter!_

* * *

*KnockKnockKnock*

The loud sound woke the sleeping lovers abruptly, as the assault on the door continued.

*KnockKnockKnockKnock*

"Eva!" a voice came through muffled from the other side of the door, "the Arl says Alistair is missing! Eva, wake up!"

A giggle escaped Eva's mouth as she realized what was going on, "I think we've been caught," she stated through another fit of giggles.

Alistair, slow to realize what was going on through his morning grogginess, started to turn bright red at the realization that very soon the whole castle would know what he had been up to.

"Eva, if you don't open up this door very quickly, I will break it down!" the voice shouted, which Eva could now recognize as Leliana.

"Um, Lel, I really wouldn't recommend that if I were you," Eva tried to choke out as normal as possible.

"Then open this damn door, we need to find Alistair. He's is probably stuck in a well somewhere after tripping over his own damn feet!"

"Hey! I'm not that bad!" Alistair blurted out, before realizing that he wasn't supposed to be there. His eyes went wide as he turned to look at Eva. Eva seemed more amused than anything, much too happy about waking up with her love than to really care who knew. Alistair on the other hand was a bit more bashful, and was not officially a tomato.

"Wait….Alistair? Is that you?"

Eva shook her head as she climbed out of the most comfy bed she had ever known. Making sure she was at least partially clothed, and Alistair covered with sheets, she made her way to the door. With one quick motion, she opened the door, pulled Leliana in, and shut the door instantly behind her.

"Hello, Lel," Eva greeted her with a rather sly grin. Leliana did not speak at first, still trying to get her brain to take in her surrounding, which did nothing to ease Alistair's embarrassment; he adjusted the sheets to ensure propriety.

"Alistair…" Leliana began slowly, "…so you aren't missing…I would ask what you are doing here, but," a wicked grin appeared on the bard's face, "I think I can surmise that one on my own."

Eva just laughed along with Leliana, as Alistair blushed impossibly deeper and started to stutter.

"Regardless, unless you want the entire castle surmising as well," she continued, "I would make very quick to find Eamon. And personally, I would stick to the fell in a well story."

Leliana made a great show of turning around so that Alistair could clothe himself. With just a quick peck on the lips with Eva, he was gone like a speeding arrow.

"So…" Leliana raised an eyebrow at Eva.

It was Eva's turn to blush a bit as she just nodded at Leliana. That was all Leliana needed, "spill!"

* * *

That afternoon was the strategy meeting. They all met in the same small room the last time they had been there discussing strategy, with the same topic at hand: Denerim. Now, Eva was really nervous about going, as there last trip had turned out so well. But as that is where the Landsmeet was being held, that was where they would head. The others slowly filtered out, off to enjoy their last day of leisure before they were back on the road. Only Eva, Alistair, and the Arl remained.

"I hope you have been giving the idea of Alistair as king a lot of thought," the Arl spoke sternly at Eva.

"Eamon, please, we don't need to discu-" Alistair tried to intervene, but was cut off.

"Yes, we do need to discuss this. This is the future of Ferelden we are talking about!" Eamon shouted.

Eva, trying to prevent a fight, spoke up, "I have actually given it thought. I have decided that I will not make a decision until I have met this Anora woman. I cannot make a decision of this magnitude without all the facts. As you said Arl, this is the future of Ferelden we are talking about. Now if you will excuse me, I have promised Leliana some storytelling, and she gets quite miffed if I do not keep my dates with her," A look passed to Alistair and his ears turned pink, "Now if you will excuse me gentlemen." And with that, Eva swept out of the room.

Eamon, rather dismayed with her answer, now focused on Alistair, who was still an obvious shade of pink.

"She's an elf, Alistair."

This train of conversation took Alistair by complete surprise, "um, what?"

"You are a human, of noble, royal even, blood. She is an elf. You cannot make it work. If you love her, you will let her go," the Arl's tone not as stern as before, but not the most friendly.

"We are not going to talk about this," Alistair spoke, his voice laced with desperation, but Eamon wasn't letting go.

"When you are king, you will have to marry a noble. She cannot be in the picture!"

"If."

Now it was Eamon's turn to be confused, "what?"

"I said 'if'. You said 'when', but its 'if'. I may not be king."

"Of course you will be king. We didn't fight for our bloodline just to give it up. You will be king, she will do what is expected of her," Eamon said, with a confidence only a noblemen use to getting his way would have.

"We shall see, now if you do not mind, I am going to enjoy this day before our journey begins again. Good day, sir" and with that, Alistair was gone, leaving the Arl to ponder the fate of his notion of nobility.

* * *

Much to Eva's surprise, the trip to Denerim had been catastrophe free. Now at the Arl's Denerim estate, they had to get down to business. But of course, one can only go long being problem free.

Eva had just walked into Eamon's study to attempt talking about a plan, when she noticed an Orlesian elf talking to him. _Of course_, she thought bitterly, _the queen would have to import her elves, the Denerim kind aren't regal enough._

But before she could make a snide comment, Eamon spoke, "Anora has been locked in Howe's estate. Her handmaid here fears for her life."

"Please help my mistress, she is so frightened," the small elf spoke with a thick accent.

"Great, just what we needed, a blasted damsel in distress," Eva sighed exasperatedly, "let's go."


End file.
